Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
I know three reasons Wrigleyville’s crying
And why for season tix no one’s applying
Character sells, sure, but who’s buying?
.   Rizzo and Baez and Bryant
Losing El Mago, our greatest since Whizzo,
Has driven some fans on the borderline schizo,
Hiding their heartache by cranking up Lizzo
.   Baez and Bryant and Rizzo
Watching a hoped-for dynasty die is
Bringing a tear to each diehard’s eye, as
The White Sox look to dominate Chi —
.   Bryant and Rizzo and Baez
First Eloy ripped his armpit
Chasing a pointless tater
Then Engel strained his hammy
Won’t see him til later
Now Robert’s torn what sounds like
His entire frickin’ torso
In May, we’re warned, “It’s a long season”
But this year, even more so.
Daniel Palka’s
No wild card.
His plan for success?
“Hit balls hard.”
All the new stats
Might seem avant garde
But there’s no short cut, just
“Hit balls hard.”
Exit velocity’s
A mere canard.
Stick to your knitting and
“Hit balls hard.”
He’ll peek now and then
And bleachers bombard.
This rook’s forthright:
“Hit balls hard.”
From an interview in the Chicago Tribune by Paul Sullivan, 6/11/18.
Chris said to the Sox, “Not for Sale!
Throwback unis’ pale hose much too pale!”
Tore them all into shreds.
Did Chris “sail off his meds”
Or contrive to get forwarded mail?
S’been rough on the kids at The Cell
When called up, soon down they all fell
A backache, a foot break,
Concussions, fer chrissake!
Their trips to The Bigs’ve been from Hell
.
In the past week, White Sox minor league call-ups Kevyn Smith incurred back spasms during warm-ups before his initial appearance, outfielder Jason Coats suffered a concussion in a collision in his first inning of play and Matt Davidson broke his foot rounding first base after hitting a single.