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Them Versus Dem

by Sid Yiddish
Well, the Sox fans hate the Cubs fans,
And the Cubs fans hate the Sox fans,
Yet, both teams are doing so very well.
So why, why do the fans give each other hell?
It couldn’t be a Northside versus Southside stigma, now could it?

Still, let’s get one thing straight:
There are vital differences between them,

And it all boils down to this…

White collar versus blue collar,
Upper management versus the union,
Family versus The Family,
Particular versus pride,
The SUV versus the family van,
Pencil-neck versus redneck,
The prize trophy wife versus the missus,
The hunks versus the hits,
The stunts versus the stats,
The goat versus the gut.

But it’s the Sox fans who can take the heat, versus the Cub fans who will try to sell you the entire kitchen.

Posted 8/11/08 

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Mother, May I Slug the Umpire?

by Anonymous, 1886

Mother, may I slug the umpire,
May I slug him right away?
So he cannot be here, mother,
When the Clubs begin to play?
Let me clasp his throat, dear mother,
In a dear, delightful grip
With one hand, and with the other
Bat him several in the lip.
Let me climb his frame, dear mother,
While the happy people shout;
I’ll not kill him, dearest mother,
I will only knock him out.
Let me mop the ground up, Mother,
With his person, dearest do;
If the ground can stand it, mother,
I don’t see why you can’t, too.
Mother, may I slug the umpire,
Slug him right between the eyes?
If you let me do it, mother,
You shall have the champion prize.

Quoted in Crazy ’08 by Cait Murphy.

 Posted 7/28/08

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Dog Days at Comiskey: 2007

By George Castle

Once a year, the Sox fans bring their pooches in,

which is better than a plague of frogs.

But the canines had to take the place of winning ball

‘Cause Chicago’s bullpen went to the dogs.

Posted 6/14/08

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“We’re Not Gonna Change It!”

Below is the winning entry in the Chicago Sun-Times video contest about fans’ reactions to the possible renaming of Wrigley Field. Stoking the newspaper rivalry in town is that this video was done secretly by Chicago Tribune staffers. For more on the punking, go here.

The latest news is that Tribune Co. owner Sam Zell has rejected a bid for Wrigley Field from the Illinois Sports Facilities Authority and will seek to sell the Cubs and their stadium together to private investors. For more, see this article in the Chicago Sun-Times.

Posted 5/13/08.

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The Death of the Bleacher Bum

by Gary Gillette

From my mother’s basement I fell into the Friendly Confines,
And I hunched in its bleachers till my beer-soaked hair froze.
Six miles from first place, loosed from its dream of October,
I woke to black caps and the nightmare Sox fans.
When I puked my guts out, they washed them off the seats with a hose.

Paying homage to Randall Jarrell…

Posted 5/13/08Â