Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
by Sheila Bernstein
“Peanuts, popcorn, cold beer,”
Shouts the voice of the vendor.
Of course, we’re at the ballpark
In all of its splendor.
It’s the crack of the bat,
The spit of the pitcher — well, sure, you get the picture.
Root for the home team.
It’s a shame if they lose.
What the heck, I’m tanked up on booze!
Baseball…there’s nothing to match.
Where am I now?
Wrigley Field, natch!
Posted 9/15/08
by Sid Yiddish
Well, the Sox fans hate the Cubs fans,
And the Cubs fans hate the Sox fans,
Yet, both teams are doing so very well.
So why, why do the fans give each other hell?
It couldn’t be a Northside versus Southside stigma, now could it?
Still, let’s get one thing straight:
There are vital differences between them,
And it all boils down to this…
White collar versus blue collar,
Upper management versus the union,
Family versus The Family,
Particular versus pride,
The SUV versus the family van,
Pencil-neck versus redneck,
The prize trophy wife versus the missus,
The hunks versus the hits,
The stunts versus the stats,
The goat versus the gut.
But it’s the Sox fans who can take the heat, versus the Cub fans who will try to sell you the entire kitchen.
Posted 8/11/08
by Anonymous, 1886
Mother, may I slug the umpire,
May I slug him right away?
So he cannot be here, mother,
When the Clubs begin to play?
Let me clasp his throat, dear mother,
In a dear, delightful grip
With one hand, and with the other
Bat him several in the lip.
Let me climb his frame, dear mother,
While the happy people shout;
I’ll not kill him, dearest mother,
I will only knock him out.
Let me mop the ground up, Mother,
With his person, dearest do;
If the ground can stand it, mother,
I don’t see why you can’t, too.
Mother, may I slug the umpire,
Slug him right between the eyes?
If you let me do it, mother,
You shall have the champion prize.
Quoted in Crazy ’08 by Cait Murphy.
Posted 7/28/08
By George Castle
Once a year, the Sox fans bring their pooches in,
which is better than a plague of frogs.
But the canines had to take the place of winning ball
‘Cause Chicago’s bullpen went to the dogs.
Posted 6/14/08
Below is the winning entry in the Chicago Sun-Times video contest about fans’ reactions to the possible renaming of Wrigley Field. Stoking the newspaper rivalry in town is that this video was done secretly by Chicago Tribune staffers. For more on the punking, go here.
The latest news is that Tribune Co. owner Sam Zell has rejected a bid for Wrigley Field from the Illinois Sports Facilities Authority and will seek to sell the Cubs and their stadium together to private investors. For more, see this article in the Chicago Sun-Times.
Posted 5/13/08.