Thank You, Sir, May I Have Another?

by James Finn Garner

To distract from news of variations
And COVID viral mutations
And that “It’s everywhere!” sensation–
I’ll give baseball one more try.

To soothe the mind with pointless stats
Like zodiacal-themed at-bats
And if Lance Lynn’s allergic to cats–
I’ll give baseball one more try.

Ignoring the obscene cost of tickets
And the politics of Ricketts
And the siren call of following cricket–
I’ll give baseball one more try.

If I can score a bit of Zen
So to pick up the fight again
I’ll give the donut race a loud “Amen!”–
I’ll give baseball one more try.

Dunkin Donuts Race - YouTube

The Fans’ Lament

by Millie Bovich

Written during the last baseball strike in 1995, 27 years ago. Hope it doesn’t happen again!

If only Abner Doubleday could step back to today,
He’d be mighty disappointed his game is not in play.

He’d expect to find the traffic and the folks around the park,
‘Cause he knew that there’d be day games, and as many after dark.

He would want to see the rippling of Old Glory ‘gainst the sky,
And the silhouettes of people on a mission shuffling by.

He would sniff to find the favorite smells, familiar and clear,
Of relish, dogs and mustard, and a hint of stale warm beer.

Old Abner D. would want to hear the sound of cracking bat,
And see the man in right field smooth his hair beneath his hat.

But there is no sweating pitcher, no dusty slide to third,
There is no home run ball that goes a-flying like a bird.

There is no team that’s visiting, no coaches, batboys, so
No spitting, scratching home team in the dugout down below.

Where is the center fielder, where’s the catcher and his sign?
Where’s the skinny, scrappy manager who won’t step on a line?

Where’s the nimble-legged shortstop, where’s the unexpected shout
Of the chest-protected umpire who too often yells, “YER OUT!”

Where’s the blooper, where’s the error, where’s the field of grassy green,
Where the two colliding fielders as the ball falls in between?

Old Doubleday would lift his eyes to see the scoreboard dark,
And the lonely seats all empty all around the baseball park.

He would shuffle ‘cross the infield and would probably heave a sigh,
Saying, “Why, oh why, in ’94 did baseball have to die?”

There was magic in the sunshine, there was magic when it rained.
When the Tigers left the diamond every loyal fan complained.

Can’t the owners and the players just sit down and have a talk?
We want vendors hawking pizza and four balls to be a walk!

We miss our favorite pastime in those old and hallowed places,
We need the sound and sight of baseball in our ears and in our faces!

Something’s missing on the sports page, something’s missing in the News,
We’re deprived as fans of baseball, we’ve a right to sing the blues!

There’s a blank in our existence, it’s a dirty rotten shame,
Players aren’t compiling numbers for the Baseball Hall of Fame.

There is truth in that old adage, Abner’s spirit roams the crowd,
And he sits among the faithful, cheering boist’rously and loud!

Now his spirit needs appeasing, now the fans stand sad and blue.
In the ninth with bases loaded, where’s the answer tried and true?

We WANT to see the game again, we LONG to hear the call,
Of a feisty, sunburned umpire and those special words, ‘PLAY BALL!”

 

Viva Arozarena!

by James Finn Garner

Like the baby’s proverbial candy
Home plate was stolen by Randy
The shift left third base
A defender-less place
And the pitcher’s stance came in quite handy.


Photo by Steve Helber, AP

Boston’s Marathons

by Patrick McCaughey

Load up on the carbs,
Kiss the family goodbye,
For
The Red Sox and Yankees are on.

Still just in the second?
But an hour’s gone by,
For
The Red Sox and Yankees are on.

Each at bat is 12 pitches.
Mound visits galore.
For
The Red Sox and Yankees are on.

What else rhymes with “galore”?
Try on “bore”, “chore”, and “snore”.
For
The Red Sox and Yankees are on.

Of course, so does “score”,
As do “swore”, “war”, and “adore”.
For
The Red Sox and Yankees are on.

The nights they have stolen,
It’s really a crime
For
The Red Sox and Yankees are on.

This poem could have been better
But I don’t have the time
For
The Red Sox and Yankees are on.