Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
The unwritten rules in their dusty tomes
Are never long without a home
Consulted when game etiquette
Might require subtle signs of respect
Like when a throwback managerial cuss
Throws his rookie star under a bus
When he was only doing his job
Smashing a slow-motion lob
Whoever’s “clueless” here can be debated
And the Chisox success isn’t fated
The unwritten rules do not deem
To show how you alienate a team.
This Cubs team elicits some frights
Swinging like scrubs, punchless some nights
Then, as if dosed,
Brute strength is exposed
Who knows which will show up tonight?
From the Cincinnati Times-Star, 1937, on announcer Red Barber’s consistent hawking of Wheaties cereal:
Red Barber has charm and he shows it,
And over the air he sure throws it–
But with all his entreaties
To munch those damned Wheaties
He eats ham and eggs and he knows it!
I wasn’t the first to sell food at a ball game:
I think they were doing that even before
anyone thought to charge admission to watch the game
I wasn’t the first to sell what came to be called hot dogs,
though the legend of my doing so made a good story
But I think I was the first
to make a good living as a concessionaire,
starting out selling scorecards, then later also selling food
And I’m proud of the enjoyment I gave fans,
and equally proud my company continued to do so
well beyond the end of my life
1BÂ Â J.T. Snow
2BÂ Â Cupid Childs
SSÂ Â Dasher Troy
3BÂ Â Yuli Gurriel
LFÂ Â Cookie Rojas
CFÂ Â Jesus Alou
RFÂ Â Rob Deer
CÂ Â Â Jorge Posada
PHÂ Steve Christmas, Brett Carroll
RHPÂ Jon Garland, Dave Frost, Dick Pole
LHP Al Clauss, Jeff Holly, Don Rudolph
Mgr. Jolly Cholly Grimm
