Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Cole Ragans
Believes that pagans
Get a bad rap in the papers
And also happen to be great landscapers.
Josh Naylor
Has a great tailor
Who crafts slacks for travel
That don’t unravel.
Isaac Paredes
Loves eating spiedies,
Burgoo, tamales, chislic, etouffee–
All the regional dishes of the USA.
Carlos Correa
Has nary a
Bad word to say
About the films and good works of Danny Kaye.
Kirby Yates
Would follow a website that rates
The performances of Kate Winslet
Based on her accent.
Ketel Marte
Would eat banana cream parfaits
At every meal, but doesn’t because
His contract has a weight-gain clause.
Steven Kwan
Will drone on and on
About investing in Bitcoin
Because he’s got the acumen of a pork loin.
Trea Turner
Is a slow learner
3 times invested with Steven Kwan!
Man, that money’s gone gone gone…
Rafael Devers
Will never say never
But he’s pretty sure
He wouldn’t go on a gastronomic foraging tour.
Paul Skenes
Mentors awkward teens.
Growing up in California
He too had acne and body dysphoria.
Elly de la Cruz
Has over 400 pairs of shoes
And 75 square meters
Of Odor Eaters.
Alec Bohm.
Wherever he lays his hat is his home.
But wherever he is across the nation,
He digs The Temptations.
Tarik Skubal
Is always hungry for noodles.
Chow mein, soba, udon, ramen–
He just tells the waiter, “Keep it comin’!”
Garrett Crochet
Thinks those edible bouquets
Are a colossal waste.
“How much cantaloupe can one person taste?”
Seth Lugo
Reads a lot of Victor Hugo
Daydreaming of an understudy job
With “Les Misérables.”
Shōta Imanaga
Loves the generosity of Chicaga.
He never has to scrounge
To pay for a beer at the Nisei Lounge.
1B Anchovy Rizzo
2B Jake Cauli-Flowers
SS Artichoke Fletcher
3B Pepper Peploski
LF Pepperoni Martin
CF Kyle Garlick
RF Shin-Soo Shroom
C Manny Jala-Piña
PH Crusty Staub
LHP Tayler Saucedo, Eddie Bacon, Bud Black Olives
RHP Pete Hamm, Mark Hamburger, Roy Parmesanlee
MGR Lou Pineapple
