by Jim Siergey
The Wrigleyville Monkey’s Paw
Fiction by James Finn Garner
A stranger approaches a Cub fan in a bar, carrying a strange relic….
I was sitting at the bar at Yak-zie’s on Clark. The season hadn’t started yet, so the place was nice and peaceful, full of locals. The expectations, the intensity, the slobbery emotions of the regular season were still off in the distance, so I was soaking in the serenity of things that currently were and the things that could in the future be. In short, I enjoyed being near my favorite ballpark with a cold one in my hand, without having to share the place with hordes of drunk account managers from River North and Schaumburg.
I was just about to ask for my tab when a certain smell stung the air, a smell like the floor of the Grand Avenue Red Line station. I turned to my left and was confronted with a haunted face staring intently at me. The man wasn’t a bum, but he wasn’t quite normal either. His scraggly beard was dusted with gray, and his full head of hair was slicked back. His eyes were brown and lit from the inside, surrounded by cracked circles of skin like pale dried mud.
Hey, I said.
You need to do me a favor, he said.
Sure I do.
You do.
Well, you have such a sweet way of asking someone, I said, how could anyone refuse?
Don’t laugh. This isn’t a joke.
Chicago Baseball A to Z (Part 3)
by Jim Siergey and James Finn Garner
Q’s for Quintana
Who’s played for both squads
And won nothing with either.
Oh, what are the odds?
R is for Ricky
Sox’ skip Renteria
With that huge boot from the Cubs
He could open a zapateria.
S is for Schwarber
Who can give balls a poke
Though his play in left field
Can give fans a stroke.
T is for television
You can watch from your chair
Unless it’s the Cubs
Then you tithe to Sinclair.
U is for Umpires
Who once had the last say
But now get overruled
By Instant Replay.
V is for Victor
Last name Caratini
He looks good anywhere
except in a bikini
W is for Wrigley
Where the Cub diehards cheer,
While the name of the Sox park
Depends on the year.
X is ex-Cub Factor
Which Royko well covered.
Don’t argue about it–
It’s just science, brother.
Y is for Yu
Want some pitches? Try six!
While batters feel like
They hold popsicle sticks.
Z is the Zzzzzs
Caught during a game.
Shutdown or no,
This stays roughly the same.
Chicago Baseball A to Z (Part 2)
By Jim Siergey and James Finn Garner
I is for Ivy
Adorning the wall
So lovely to see
As it swallows fly balls.
J is for Javy
Last name Baez
All around the base paths
He doth flaez.
K is for strikeout
For some obscure reason
One more quirk to chew on
Through the long summer season.
L is for Luis
The Sox rookie tank
Based just on upside
This youngster made bank.
M is for Moncada
Oh, how we can go on
About all the talent
Possessed by young Yoan.
N is for Nico and Nick
Who wait in the wings
Two keystone prospects
What’ll the future bring?
O is for O
Or goose egg or zero
If the bullpen supplies these
They’ll be our heroes.
P is for peanuts
And popcorn and pfranks
A good balanced diet
For which we give thanks.
Chicago Baseball A to Z (Part 1)
By Jim Siergey and James Finn Garner
A is for Anderson
A youthful Sox great
He loves flipping bats
Which other teams hate.
B is for Beer
The beverage of summer
Also for Bryant,
Bote and Bummer.
C is for Colomé
Sox closer with flair.
His Cub counterpart’s Kimbrel
With his elbow in air.
D is for Dylan
The White Sox have two.
Will Covey and Cease
Give visitors the “Homesick Blues”?
E is for Epstein
Who helped lift the curse.
He eyeballs the players
As well as the purse.
F is for Fans
(Don’t get caught in between ’em)
More passionate diehards?
You ain’t never seen ’em!
G is for Grandpa
The new boss in town.
Show some hustle out there
And stay off of his lawn!
H is for Harry
“Hey, lemme hear ya!”
Were he still around,
Sure bet he would beer ya.