The Love Song of J. Alfred Bleacherbum

By Bill Savage and James Finn Garner

Let us go then, you and I,
Where Wrigley’s spread out against the sky
Like the Cardinals etherized down the standings;
Let us go, through half-constructed streets,
Muttering about our seats
Of restless day and night games and new hotels
And vanished sawdust taverns that never served an oyster:
Streets that flow with tedious arguments
Of where to spend your cents
To bleed you to an overwhelming debt–
Oh, do not ask, “How much is it?”
Let us go, stand in line and make our visit…

In barrooms, fans come and go
Talking of Maddon, Jed ‘n’ Theo.

 

Bill Savage is an associate professor and adviser for the Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences at Northwestern University. Follow him on Twitter at @RogersParkMan, where this poem first appeared. 

Nacho Typical Play

by Hilary Barta

On the prowl, youngster Addison flew
Missed the foul, but got covered in goo
Falling into the seats
Russell tipped someone’s eats
Fetch a towel for that nacho fondue!

 

Team of Extremes

by Hilary Barta

Versus Brewers, the Cubs couldn’t score
Then they blew out the Mets, runs galore
Either famine or feast
Docile lamb or fierce beast
Will they mewl at the Cards, or else roar?

 

Horrible Things to See

by James Finn Garner

Salma Hayek with a broken nose
Kittens stuck in lava flows
Graffiti at the Alamo
Steve Bannon in seductive pose
Zombies chawing on my toes
Sarah Sanders’ underclothes
A schoolbus in an undertow

But worst of all

JV decked out for the ‘Stros.

 

Disparate Thoughts

by Jim Siergey

Did Vida Blue
ever pitch to
Dick Brown?

Did Bill White
ever fight
with Bud Black?

Was Dallas Green
ever mean
to Tyler Houston?

Did Mike Trout
ever dine out
with Tim Salmon?

Did Martinez, Carmelo
ever have Mark Lemongello
for dessert?