Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
When Kershaw pitches, why show up?
There’s better things to do — wise up!
Hang decorations from your stirrups
Take up pottery and throw a cup
Go to Tindr for quick hookups
Inventory your Dixie cups
Visit a shelter and adopt a pup
Invent a new, no-glute ketchup
Lip-synch “Build Me Up Buttercup”
But don’t take your at-bat. Just give up.
Wanna clobber Corey Kluber?
The very notion is absurd.
His yakker’s as hard to sit on
as the eggs of a dodo bird
Hey Clevelanders! Michael X. Ferraro wrote a satirical novel called Circus Catch that examines the plight of being a football fan in your otherwise sport-tastic town! Look for it now!
In Runs Per Game, the Marlins stank
Like a dead fish out of water.
Their slugging percentage was also rank,
So they fired Barry Bonds — as they oughtta.
The cap of Richard Porcello
Casts a dim light on the fellow.
It’s encrusted with gunk
And emits such a funk
Pine tar transforms into Jell-O.
Yankee fans always like to boast;
Instead, they got Pinstripe toast.
Time to give up chance’s ghost?
After Boston, it’s an almost.