Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
When cramping and losing your grip,
Don’t panic! Get fluids and sip
And so systems won’t flood,
Enlist the old spud,
That champ of snack foodstuffs, the chip.
Dealing with cramping in his right hand, Cubs pitcher Jason Hammel was told by his doctor to eat more potato chips for their potassium.
Julio Teheran
Loves Duran Duran
But will take a paz
On Yaz.
Yoenis Cespedes
Likes watching “The Apprentice”.
“What I can’t figure out, man,
Is where they found a talking orangutan.”
Marcell Ozuna
Is the big kahuna
In Miami’s centerfield
By Red Groom’s carnival sculpture he’s almost concealed.
Dellin Betances
Took his chances
With a street vendor’s tamales
And is now very solly.
Wilson Ramos
Has become famos
As catcher for the Nats–
Must be the way that he squats.
Francisco Lindor
Likes to golf indoors.
As dangerous as his home gets,
His kids have learned to wear helmets.
Michael Saunders
When his mind meanders
Imagines himself in toque, cape and shorts
Savior of the Great White North.
Matt Wieters
Is such a fussy eater
On every dinner date
He asks an ump to brush his plate.
Clayton Kershaw
Prefers Shaw
Over Ibsen
If he had to put dibs in.
Mark Trumbo
Likes all his shrimp jumbo
And when he orders, it takes
A shovel to serve his Baltimore crab cakes.
Mookie Betts
Likes all kinds of pets
But he has no use
For cockatuse.
Buster Posey
We don’t want to be nosey
But why do the #Giants even appear
At games in odd-numbered years?
Memorial Day — the unofficial
Start to summer. For many,
The sandy ritual at the beach;
For others, a pause to remember.
For me? I collect thoughts too —
Randomly, like shagging flies —
And I finally put away
All the winter clothes.
And I may self-indulge —
A Rasputin of the fridge.
One thing is certain:
I always watch a game.
It may sound disrespectful,
To be so hedonistic, but
During the seventh inning stretch
“God Bless America” popped up
And I caught a thought —
It curved to where I sat:
I only get to do this because
Of what someone did for me.