by Hilary Barta
At a ballgame the eats can’t be beat
And they haul all the treats to your seat
.     You can sit on your rear
.     While you sip from your beer
And just call for a sweet encased meat.
The Closing Menu (Aroldis Chapman)
by James Finn Garner
Chapman might have nerves of steel,
But munchies? His Achilles heel.
Before the Phils two homers laced, he
Ate 18 guava-cream-cheese pastries.
Now, Bambino gobbled beer and dogs,
Yardbird the only dish for Boggs,
But to abate your pulse like lava,
Try pastries filled with cheese and guava.
Closers are a breed apart
A fiery mix of arm and heart.
If vict’ry’s what you long to taste, be
Wary of inhaling pastries.
2013 NL East Prediction Haiku
By Stuart Shea
BRAVES
Georgia is the world’s
Top pecan supplier. Plus
Andrelton Simmons
MARLINS
Why is a fish tank
So fascinating to watch?
Billion-dollar chum.
METS
No, it’s not a joke!
Cowgill and Valdespin are
In center field now
NATIONALS
Unnatural arm,
Unbelieveable results–
Can Strasburg stay fit?
PHILLIES
The old and infirm
Are the last to know that they
Are old and infirm
2013 AL West Prediction Haiku
By Stuart Shea
HOUSTON
Welcome to the league!
You youngsters enjoy yourselves
As you lose each day
LOS ANGELES
Trout Fishing in spring…
Or Prince Albert in a can?
Is Ryan Mad, son?
OAKLAND
Bartolo Colon
Is still suspended. So…more
food in the clubhouse?
SEATTLE
Raul Ibanez
Played for Seattle during
Bill Clinton’s first term
TEXAS
Replacing Josh H.
With Martin and Gentry? That’s
Carob for dessert
Order in the Bleachers
by James Finn Garner
Three cheers for Justice Sotomayor!
The “wise Latina” knows what summer break’s for.
She’s not with Dick Cheney, slaughtering birds,
Or at a think-tank retreat with blue-suited nerds.
Sonia got the hell out of Washington quickly
Went up to the Bronx and, not being picky,
Bought a ticket and dog, and hunkered down grinning
In the right field bleachers with a guy named “Bald Vinnie”
She cheered while her Bombers flattened the O’s,
Heckled Zach Britton and lauded Cano.
While it’s doubtful this impacts much of her work,
I think she should hire Bald Vinnie as clerk.