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Yankee Stadium Exhibition Opener

by Ember Nickel

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Precariously perched between the spring
Of simple fantasies and the real thing
Becoming more peerless with every day–
Can I criticize an excuse to play?

I watched it on the computer, full-screen.
The scoreboards I’ve  seen look much like this. Bright
Garish ads with limitless width and height.
The game filled the screen, and usually worked.
But sometimes it jerked and blurred, like it had
Been magnified too far, like that was bad.
Four-four in the fourth inning. Fours could not
Be wild, I’d thought. Too big for the game
They might repeat–but it is not the same.

.

A former contributor to Baseball Toaster, Ember’s blog is Lipogram! Scorecard!, where this poem first appeared.

Posted 4/13/09.

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AMERICAN LEAGUE CENTRAL 2009 HAIKU FORECASTS

By Stuart Shea

WHITE SOX
From dawn to midnight
Glistening sweat beads cover
Guillen’s press spokesmen.

TWINS
Sweet April moonlight
Means “farewell” if the Twins are
Without Joe Mauer.

INDIANS
Each cool autumn
Indians fans get just the
Thin end of the Wedge.

ROYALS
Gold Kansas wheatfields
Yield more each season than
Green fields at Kauffmann.

TIGERS
A solar eclipse
Can’t match the disappearance
Of Dontrelle’s control.

Posted 4/1/09

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National League Central 2009 Haiku Forecasts

by Stuart Shea

CUBS
Spring wish, autumn dreams
Green of youth and rust of age
Hope is…Kevin Gregg?

BREWERS
Prince Fielder’s a veg.
The racing sausages can
Rest easy all summer.

ASTROS
Bummer! Bits of sun
Are all that Minute Maid Park
Will see this season.

CARDINALS
Converted Skippy
Will be a sitting pigeon
For one hard slide.

REDS
Screw Dusty Baker!
The Reds have enough talent
To win despite him.

PITTSBURGH
Winter’s not the time
To start rebuilding a house
With no foundation.

Posted 3/23/09

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The Closest Thing to a Cubs World Series

by Sid Yiddish

Now that Barack Obama has won the U.S. presidential election, it’s the closest thing the Northside will ever be in contention, let alone get to a World Series, even if Obama is from the Southside.
.

You see, unlike the Chicago Cubs fans who relentlessly enjoy beating up their rivals bloody, both physically and with words, the White Sox fans wouldn’t do it even if you offered them all the money in the world, because like Obama & his crew, all those guys who support those who wear the black & white uniforms know the right thing to do.
.

They know how to stick together, through all kinds of nasty weather and just rough it in the muddy playing fields, even if there’s no yielding or letting up or break in-between.
.

See, that’s how the Southside grows, just takes what they are given and goes with the flow.
.

So, it’s time to put aside that loveable losers blue and have a little pride for a change, because now that Obama has won the election, it’s a great victory for all of us!
.

Not
Republican
Versus
Dem.
.

Unlike Cubs fans who always cry out, “Wait ‘til next year,” next year is here for Obama and the rest of us, starting right now.

.

For more on Sid Yiddish’s poetry, music and performances, check out his My Space page.

Posted 11/13/08

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Where Will All The Feral Cats in Shea Stadium Go?

by Sid Yiddish

Apologies to Pete Seeger and his “Where Have All The Flowers Gone?”

Where will all the feral cats in Shea Stadium go?
Long time hissing,
Where will all the feral cats in Shea Stadium go?

Perhaps they’ll go live down in the sewers
with all the giant super rats,
that’ll make tasty meals for all those cats

Oh, where will they all go?
Oh, where will they all go?

.
Where will all the feral cats in Shea Stadium go?
Long time hissing,
Where will all the feral cats in Shea Stadium go?

Now that Durocher’s not there
To stare him down,
Well I guess that’s what Lou Pinella is for

Oh, where will they all go?
Oh, where will they all go?

.
Where will all the feral cats in Shea Stadium go?
Long time hissing,
Where will all the feral cats in Shea Stadium go?

Maybe they’ll all hook up with Billy Joel; he needs a new backing band,
if that last album of his doesn’t tell
you anything, then these cats will

Oh, where will they all go?
Oh, where will they all go?

.
Where will all the feral cats in Shea Stadium go?
Long time hissing,
Where will all the feral cats in Shea Stadium go?

They’ll go clubbing with Howard Stern
He can never have enough cats on each arm,
While turning on that shock-jock charm

Oh, where will they all go?
Oh, where will they all go?

.
Where will all the feral cats in Shea Stadium go?
Long time hissing,
Where will all the feral cats in Shea Stadium go?

To feed the hungry, to feed the poor
Who can never afford much more than they make
Catsup & salt upon feral cat steak!

Oh, where will they all go?
Oh, where will they all go?

For more on Sid Yiddish’s poetry, music and performances, check out his My Space page.

Posted 10/28/08