Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
The backwards cap, the silk-smooth swing
Once again, The Kid feels like The King.
No steroids talk, no BALCO rumor–
The game has always been pure fun for Junior.
Back in the outfield, out in San Fran
If only everything had gone to plan.
An All-Star once again, out in the bay
Nostalgia knocks: dreams of Griffey’s heyday.
Posted 7/16/07
(Sorry to get to it a week after the All-Star Game, Cory)
Biceps like well-tempered iron,
Frightening to see,
Was Ted Kluszewski.
No shirtsleeves wore he,
Did Ted Kluszewski.
And if you asked him why, he’d
Grind you into loose tea.
In his day he was feared,
The toughest man on the Ponderosa.
But today his muscles are matched
By Sammy Sosa
And Mark DeRosa.
When I was a boy,
I would go to the Dome,
The Dome that the people called King
To watch my M’s play
And undoubtedly lose,
But in the 7th, at least we could sing.
Eventually the roof
With its rain-soaked tiles
Began to fall to the ground
In little lawsuit-friendly piles,
So the men with the dynamite
Were called to the site
And the Dome was extinguished
With a BOOM in the night.
7/3/07
Brett on, George Brett.
Pine tar would do
But that was never you.
Instead . . .
You chose Skoal.
Brett on, George Brett.
The homers you’d hit
And we’d never forget
As they’d land in the fountains of Kansas City’s Mitts.
BRETT ON, George Brett.
You signed a card one night
At a Mizzou game at Hearnes Center,
That’s right.
Bud Black was there too.
But you . . .
Were the main draw.
Yes you.
BRETT ON!
Posted on 6/29/07.
by Stu Shea
Whitey Ford and Willie Mays,
Lew Burdette and Elroy Face,
Bunning, Stargell, Wynn, and Rose,
Gaylord Perry, goodness knows!
Famous players, heroes all,
Most of them are in the Hall.
Where’s the “throw the bums out” call
Since they used speed, or scuffed the ball?
***
When Barry Bonds breaks Aaron’s mark,
Skeletons will fill the park.
Bud will lie to us again
About how much he knew, and when.
Fans will throw their hands up high
And try to find a reason why
They ought to go to baseball games
And see stars besmirch their own names.