Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
by David Bellel
Sayonara Minaya, the Mets bid you goodbye
Whisper Sayonara Minaya but you mustn’t cry
Sayonara Minaya, if it must be so
Whisper Sayonara Minaya, you’ll still get lots of dough
No more we see pretty awful baseball
No more teams that never try
Sayonara, sayonara
Goodbye
Sweet “like acid rain”
Lou erupts no more. Old Guard
Retreats from dugout.
Bobby “WTF?”
Cox pissing and moaning fades
Into Georgia dusk.
The Saga of Joe Torre:
Sucked in St. Lou and
Shea. Then, in fall, to the Bronx,
And now he’s a champ??
Counting: 15 out of 16 years past
to Yankee playoff possibility:
Pirates? Padres? The Indians, e.g.?
(the list of small- & medium-market
teams is as long as owners’ ledgers)
a dis-service to their fans:
So don’t argue:
That your team owners may be committed
to money to profit not to bases counted
or games won: to profit sharing:
& so much for quality & parity
Some teams are designed to contend
others merely to make money
Twas the night that we clinched, and all through the house
not a creature was stirring (’cept Hunter Pence, that louse).
All the kids and the grownups at GABP
were waiting to see what the inning would be.
When up to the plate strode the mighty Jay Bruce.
And right in that moment, my mind saw the news.
The ’Stros brought a lefty, but Jay Bruce just smirked,
Stepped in to the box, and he went straight to work.
He swung the bat hard, so fast and so quick
That I knew in a moment in the stands it would stick.
He raised both his arms and he ran with a smile,
And Joy rose in Cincy that had been gone for a while.
Marty was happy, and so was son Thom.
Even Jim Day and Pic were enjoying that bomb!
The fireworks, how bright! The crowd, O how merry!
For such a great season, an appropriate cherry.
So thanks Aaron and Bronson, Brandon and Scott.
Thanks Orlando and Joey, the whole stinking lot!
And I heard them exclaim as they rode out of sight:
“Merry Clinchmas to all, and to all a Reds’ night!”
Tons of money for the owners.
Ignorance of player-dopers.
More exploitative contract bids
For dirt-poor Caribbean kids.
A baseball classic for the world
Where U.S. players rarely hurled.
With anti-trust still holding fast,
Small-market teams still finish last.
Now, Milwaukee celebrates this schwanz
With a Selig statue cast in bronze.
Posted 8/30/10