Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
By Brian Michaels
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He had a great pedigree, this Sweet Lou,
But suddenly, his mood has turned to blue.
His payroll was bulging but his victories few.
An inquisitor named Castle asked what was askew.
Sweet Lou shot back, “What kind of baseball play you?”
Soon there was nothing more, and Lou was through.
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Posted 7/8/2010
By Joe Moag
Our summer game’s true grab
On people’s hearts and minds
Is that after taking crap at work
We turn on Channel 9.
As we finish up our dinners,
As we tuck our kids in bed;
As we plop down on the couch
To try and rest our addled heads;
Len and Bob jump on our screens
And hail the pending win:
“The Cubs are set for battle,
SO LET THE GAME BEGIN!”
By the third, Lee has struck out twice,
Ramirez popped to short;
Theriot has swung through three:
He’s allergic to the walk.
By the fifth our pitcher’s bothered–
After all, he’s done his best;
He’s let in only two runs
But that’s two more than he’ll get.
See Cubs hitters swear their oath
To swing at every pitch!
Regardless of location,
Regardless of “the sitch”!
Swing boys, SWING! is their new mantra
It’s something you can’t teach–
When the bat is flailing wildly
At a pitch that’s out of reach.
By the bottom of the ninth
After three are up and down,
Len and Bob say, “Join us
When tomorrow, ‘it’s back on!’”
Posted 6/23/10
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As noisy as one lone cricket
That is the ticket
To the next movement
For a winning team
But sadly there is never much steam for an under-.500 ball club
The very idea would make all those previous Hall of Fame heroes roll over in their graves
The same men a little past 100 years ago clung to fame
For the pure integrity of winning a game
Now wins and constantly loses
There becomes a choice which one chooses, and sadly reality shows that no matter which age is chosen for flight, a team so old as them beginning to lose the fight
Earlier and earlier each season
The relative jerking and continual line of quaking and quirking from players blaming a team for simply not working hard enough to the relative goal–I’ve heard this all before
From the local newspaper to the TV news
That if it’s not the economy or the stock market,
It’s the Boys of Summer with a worsening case of major league blues
This is the pure reason
Why I can’t stand to see grown men cry
To bear, to wince, to moan, to not understand as much as they try
That for which is called baseball my favorite sport
Is getting the shove like your favorite cousin Mort straight out the door
The old and the young simply don’t care anymore
Giving up so fast is so damned easy.
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*”I fart” does not refer to the act of flatulence, rather it’s a Danish term for speed
Posted 6/16/2010
By Joe Moag
Uproar in the press!
Lupica wants Selig to
Bend time…space…honor.
Override ump’s call?
This summer’s game ain’t perfect.
Not one for the books.
Posted 6/6/10
By Stuart Shea
Hanley Ramirez jogged after the ball.
Hanley Ramirez didn’t hustle at all.
Hanley Ramirez was pulled from the game.
Hanley Ramirez tried shifting the blame.
Hanley Ramirez blew off some steam.
Hanley Ramirez was shunned by his team
Hanley Ramirez heard from the press.
Hanley Ramirez was in a big mess.
Hanley Ramirez, we know, isn’t dense.
Hanley Ramirez came to his sense.
Hanley Ramirez has answered the mob.
Now Hanley Ramirez goes back to his job.
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Posted 5/31/10