The Flight of Goose Gossage

by Sandy Marshall

Goose Gossage,
Goose Gossage,
You are your own Bossage,
You have your own mitt that you sign and Embossage.

Goose Gossage,
Goose Gossage,
You always will Flossage,
Your round rolling stone will ne’er gather no Mossage.

Goose Gossage,
Goose Gossage,
You boot up with DOSsage,
You always predict the results of coin Tossage.

Goose Gossage,
Goose Gossage,
Your car drives with Nossage,
And you play like you dance, like the winged Bob Fossage.

(Sandy’s site, with his comedy teammates: Schadenfreude.net)

Posted 8/3/07

Ode to My Favorite Relief Pitcher

by Thelma Parker

Tom Martin can really throw the ball,
And I think, but I’m not sure, that Tom is kind of tall.
If Tom Martin ever goes, I will cry.
That day will make me want to die,
I will not lie.

Tom Martin is like the sun
And I am the earth,
Revolving around him.

Tom Martin is the earth,
And I am the moon,
Mooning over him.

There is no pitcher ever as good as he.
He is in all of my fantasies.
I think that Tom should never get a day off,
It’s the only way the Rockies will ever make the playoffs.

Posted 7/31/07 

The 100-Year Dream (Cubs)

by Tim McClure

100 will soon be here,
‘08 to ‘08 we do fear,

A ‘45 goat or ‘69 cat,
Durham’s glove or a fan’s catch,

Bone the curse, don’t wait for next year!

Some say with a goat we were cursed,
Some say it’s an error at first,

Black cats with the Mets,
Or Bartman’s bad catch–

I fear the Cubs are the worst.

The series I wish they could win,
For naught now it seems like a sin,

They’ve tried for so long,
It’s the same old song,

Who’ll ever see it, my kin?

They’ve won! I can’t believe it!
In the ninth with a home run hit!

We’ve waited so long,
The field is a throng,

I just woke up… Oh S**t!

The Red Sox did it four years ago,
The White Sox were next in line to glow,

We thought we were next,
Our muscles were flexed,

But our Cubs missed their turn in the show.

There’s a dream that’s been dreamt for awhile,
That we’d smoke the Cardinals with style.

We’d tromp ’em real good,
Like we know we should.

This Cub’s dream isn’t wicked nor vile.

There was an old team called the Cubs,
Who for years have looked just like subs.

They’ve tried to get better,
But have seemed in fetters,

‘Cause the curse has left all those flubs.

Posted 7/30/07

Two from Millie Bovich

 Statistics required perusal
And then came a full-fledged accusal.

Some numbers do lie
Take a look at the guy,

They’ve proven a B. Bonds bamboozle!

Barry Bonds! He’s the muscle-bound Giant
With the rules, he is just non-compliant.

He comes extra large size
Check his biceps and thighs,

And his manner is somewhat defiant!

Posted 7/30/07 

Barry Bonds Limerick #16

by NaryBarry

Barry Bonds is a fearsome home run hitter
Who sends all his fans into quite a twitter.

His manhood has not shrunk
From that steroid junk–

Maybe the judge will be an acquiter.