Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
by James Finn Garner
When Kenny Williams told Maggs
To pack up his bags,
Hinting grit wasn’t one of his talents,
Kenny hadn’t the notion
That he’d set in motion
An era of Motown Magg-nificence.
Magglio got maligned
but later was signed
By Tiger whiz David Dombrowski.
Now he’s hitting like Gehrig,
While the White Sox are staring
over their shoulders, worried ’bout Kansas City.
Posted 7/25/07
Last call for alcohol
Last call for your nation at bat
It was that last great league in Irish Town where he never forgets
The crack of the bat feels like the spit of his fame just blowin’ in the breeze
Like the crumbled skeleton staring at the door with its head between its knees
Old skeleton knows where it’s going, night after night after night
To wash its hands of curses, sins of the past 80 years, look in the mirror and cry
For it’s the soul of the league that’s on trial
No longer can a skeleton smile, just shake, like those pep pills and drugs and business that now sweeps it under the rug, while the GAT of the thug is shoved into the back of the big boss who pushes aside the integrity of the game for payoffs and thrills
The record is broken, the record is cast
The crowd doesn’t say much when the dark shadow is cast into stone or the graveyard in the hall
He cast the first shadow, so he did fall
The crowd remains silent
The crowd still remains
Old skeleton washes up in a sea of notoriety
Like the spit of his fame.
Posted 7/19/07
Danny,
Oh Danny,
The heart of a bull.
Hey, Danny,
Go, Danny!
The “Star Well” is full!
Now Danny!
It’s time Danny!
The son of Jose’ . . .
Stand Danny,
That’s right, Danny,
It’s time now to play.
Breathe, Danny,
On deck, Danny,
You just left the hole
Now hit, Danny,
Home run, Danny –
Grand Slam Tartabull!
by Phil Lacovara
The melonhead, he was a Giant,
About steroids, he didn’t mind lyin’,
With the Cream and the Clear,
Into pitchers he struck fear,
‘Til into BALCO, the law started pryin’.
7/23/07
Congrats to the NL’s starting right fielder: Ken Griffey, Jr.
He’s no longer scaling fences in Seattle with Sweet Lou and Jay Buhner,
And injury after injury shot down hopes of an 800-home run career,
But revive his youth and energy, this Cincinnati slugger has done this year.
This Red needs no juice;
For his sweet swing seems so pure and loose.
While Bonds climbs the all-time home run ladder,
The Kid’s humble march towards 600 makes a jealous and angry Barry less of a matter.
With the All-Star Game very near,
The fans favor Griffey it would certainly appear.
As the National League’s cleanup batter and number one vote-getter,
It could be argued that nobody did it better.
For even McGwire, Bonds and Sosa cannot say
They were clean like Junior; he did it the right way.
Posted 7/17/07, a week after the All-Star Game