Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
by James Finn Garner
.
Dear Alfonso, I cannot lie.
You know I’m not that kind of guy.
For I have always had your back,
Even as you whiffed and hacked.
When you swung lumber like a mop
Or broke your foot with your little hop,
I defended you — I DID! —
Saying, “Let the kid just be a kid.”
All the rest demanded skin
But I stood by through thick and thin.
I’ve always been your biggest fan —
But don’t f#@& up like that again!
.
Posted 5/14/2010
by Hart Seely
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Surrendering doubles,
Hurling ‘neath a frown,
Dwelling o’er his troubles,
.           Javy’s feeling down.
.
Cries from the bleachers,
“Take him out! The clown!”
Mad, hurful creatures…
.            Javy’s feeling down.
.
Balls soaring higher,
Far across the town,
Javy’s serving sliders,
.        Never coming down.
.
Hart Seely is the author of O Holy Cow: The Selected Verse of Phil Rizzuto and Mrs. Goose Goes To Washington. His Yankee blog, It Is High, It Is Far, It Is….caught, is a must-read for pinstripe fans everywhere.
Posted 5/6/2010
By Doug White
Off a cliff, falling;
The Cubs, unwinning except
for certain Mondays
Posted 5/3/10
by David Bellel
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A salute to Ike Davis, one of the ball-playing members of the tribe.
I’m getting called up in the morning!
Ding dong! The shofars are gonna blow real fine
Pull out the stopper!
Let’s have a (kosher) whopper!
But get me to Citifield on time!
I gotta be there in the mornin’
Spruced up with my cup aligned
Yids, come and bless me;
Bring choice salamis
But get me to Citifield on time!
If I want to hora, roll up the floor.
If I am dovening, close down my torah!
For I’m getting called up in the morning!
Ding dong! The shofars are gonna blow real fine
Wrap up my blintzes.
But don’t lose the Tzimmes
But get me to Citifield,
Get me to Citifield,
For Moses’ sake, get me to Citifield on time!
.
You can follow David on his blog, Pseudo-Intellectualism.
Posted 4/28/2010
By Stuart Shea
A-bopping and a-hopping in the outfield,
Stopping if a ball clanks off his glove,
Soriano just wants to play baseball,
Do his best with energy and love.
A-snorting and a-courting fan dissension,
Writers like to use their words like knives.
Every player’s error becomes legion.
Can’t sportswriters get some f*$(@* lives?
posted 4/25/10