National League East 2010 Haiku Forecasts

By Stuart  Shea

BRAVES
No Glavine. No Smoltz.
“Chipper” Jones no longer is.
Where has my youth gone?
.

MARLINS
If a ball club plays
In an empty stadium
Does anyone hear?
.

METS
A pleasant spring, but
No Reyes of sun for the Mets.
FBI? Thyroid?
.

PHILLIES
Is this an old team?
Well, 18 of them were born
Before Reagan’s years.
.

NATIONALS
As Strasbourg links France
and Germany, Steve Strasburg
spans Nats’ talent gap.

Posted 4/4/10

National League West 2010 Haiku Forecasts

By Stuart Shea

DIAMONDBACKS
Some cacti have more range
Than Conor Jackson in left.
But he can hit some.
.

DODGERS
Poor Jamie McCourt.
All that cash for the players
Where’s her unfair share?
.

GIANTS
A skinny pitcher,
Throwing nothing but BBs
This is his springtime.
.

PADRES
Trade Adrian G?
Better to cut crocuses
Before they blossom.
.

ROCKIES
A sore-armed closer
A thin middle relief corps…
A Street of bad dreams.

Posted 3/30/2010

Old “Forgive and Forget” Bradley

By James Finn Garner

.

Because a hitter’s supposed to get hits,
Lou called Miltie a big piece of shit.
With a new gig in Seattle,
Milt’s still fighting old battles,
Showing the world that this shoe still fits.

.

Posted 3/10/2010

Southpaws on Parade

by Todd Herges

.

Quick trips up are saved,

or so it is said,

for lefties who hit with good pow’r;

the finest of gems

scouts try hard to mine 

are sinister live-armed hurlers.

 

Oh-nine is the year

these truths can be seen

on both of the teams still alive.

 

For while Pujols is great

and Vlad’s bat can’t wait

they stand in the box close to third;

while Lincecum’s crazed

and Beckett is made

They’re now taking showers at home.

 

The teams that are left

are those who chose best,

hitched wagons to maladroit men.

 

Howard, Hideki,

Damon and Utley,

on demand can take the ball yard;

Cliff Lee and C.C.,

Cole Hamels, Andy,

quite clearly show that they’ve got game.

 

So now we are left

to watch quite impressed

A southpaw-filled Classic on Fox.

 

(The lefthanders playing in the World Series this year are:  pitchers Phil Coke, Damaso Marte, Andy Pettitte, CC Sabbathia, Antonio Bastardo, Scott Eyre, Cole Hamels, A.J. Happ, and Cliff Lee; hitters Robinson Cano, Johnny Damon, Brett Gardner, Eric Hinske, Hideki Matsui, Paul Bako, Greg Dobbs; Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, Raul Ibanez, Matt Stairs; plus switch hitters Melky Cabrera, Nick Swisher, Mark Teixeira, Jorge Posada, Jimmy Rollins and Shane Victorino.  Twenty-six men. Over half of the two combined rosters.  Juuust a bit outside the “normal” distribution of lefties among the general public.)

.

Posted 11/2/2009

Cheering for the Laundry

by James Finn Garner

.

Stars and journeymen come and go,
But the colors stay the same
(Unless a retool’s passed by MLB,
The Heidi Klums of the game).

We cheer for laundry throughout the year,
And as the leaves turn red and gold,
The winning jerseys pull up front,
Eight teams leave the fold.

Champagne pops and high fives slap
As they reach the next plateau
And don those “Division Champ” caps and shirts
And pocket the marketing dough.

Players cheer for the laundry, too,
And a little more fold on the side.
Hey, 20 grand is 20 grand.

It buys a lot of Tide.

.

Posted 10/23/2009