By Doug White
Off a cliff, falling;
The Cubs, unwinning except
for certain Mondays
Posted 5/3/10
Get Me to Citifield on Time!
by David Bellel
.
A salute to Ike Davis, one of the ball-playing members of the tribe.
I’m getting called up in the morning!
Ding dong! The shofars are gonna blow real fine
Pull out the stopper!
Let’s have a (kosher) whopper!
But get me to Citifield on time!
I gotta be there in the mornin’
Spruced up with my cup aligned
Yids, come and bless me;
Bring choice salamis
But get me to Citifield on time!
If I want to hora, roll up the floor.
If I am dovening, close down my torah!
For I’m getting called up in the morning!
Ding dong! The shofars are gonna blow real fine
Wrap up my blintzes.
But don’t lose the Tzimmes
But get me to Citifield,
Get me to Citifield,
For Moses’ sake, get me to Citifield on time!
.
You can follow David on his blog, Pseudo-Intellectualism.
Posted 4/28/2010
The Crucifixion of Alfonso Soriano
By Stuart Shea
A-bopping and a-hopping in the outfield,
Stopping if a ball clanks off his glove,
Soriano just wants to play baseball,
Do his best with energy and love.
A-snorting and a-courting fan dissension,
Writers like to use their words like knives.
Every player’s error becomes legion.
Can’t sportswriters get some f*$(@* lives?
posted 4/25/10
To-Do List
By Ember Nickel
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There’s more than clocks that must be cleaned in spring:
Some clocks were cleaned, but we don’t need them here.
There’s new faces to meet, all who will bring
Something different to their team for this year.
.
So say hello to Halladay. Don’t say
That Placido need be placid, though. Greet
Greenhorns around the leagues. Proudly call “hey”
To Justin Heyward and each star you meet.
.
Try your best to keep up with Garrett Jones.
Welcome back Marcum. Spring’s glories fade fast
So soak it all in before it all drones
Into no more than murmurs of the past.
.
Learn more of phenoms that you may have heard
Just briefly of. Say hi. Welcome a Byrd.
.
Posted 4/21/2010
American League West 2010 Haiku Forecasts
By Stuart Shea
ANGELS
Rich Latino woos
White fans who usually hire
Latino workmen.
ATHLETICS
Moneyball’s sunset
Means the lineup now includes
Kevin Kouzmanoff.
MARINERS
Hey, Jack Z….that nut
That fell off the hitting tree?
He’s your problem now.
RANGERS
Sweet spring robins’ song
May sound suspiciously like
“Neftali Feliz.”
.
Posted 4/20/2010