By James Finn Garner
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Because a hitter’s supposed to get hits,
Lou called Miltie a big piece of shit.
With a new gig in Seattle,
Milt’s still fighting old battles,
Showing the world that this shoe still fits.
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Posted 3/10/2010
Southpaws on Parade
by Todd Herges
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Quick trips up are saved,
or so it is said,
for lefties who hit with good pow’r;
the finest of gems
scouts try hard to mine
are sinister live-armed hurlers.
Oh-nine is the year
these truths can be seen
on both of the teams still alive.
For while Pujols is great
and Vlad’s bat can’t wait
they stand in the box close to third;
while Lincecum’s crazed
and Beckett is made
They’re now taking showers at home.
The teams that are left
are those who chose best,
hitched wagons to maladroit men.
Howard, Hideki,
Damon and Utley,
on demand can take the ball yard;
Cliff Lee and C.C.,
Cole Hamels, Andy,
quite clearly show that they’ve got game.
So now we are left
to watch quite impressed
A southpaw-filled Classic on Fox.
(The lefthanders playing in the World Series this year are: pitchers Phil Coke, Damaso Marte, Andy Pettitte, CC Sabbathia, Antonio Bastardo, Scott Eyre, Cole Hamels, A.J. Happ, and Cliff Lee; hitters Robinson Cano, Johnny Damon, Brett Gardner, Eric Hinske, Hideki Matsui, Paul Bako, Greg Dobbs; Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, Raul Ibanez, Matt Stairs; plus switch hitters Melky Cabrera, Nick Swisher, Mark Teixeira, Jorge Posada, Jimmy Rollins and Shane Victorino. Twenty-six men. Over half of the two combined rosters. Juuust a bit outside the “normal” distribution of lefties among the general public.)
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Posted 11/2/2009
Cheering for the Laundry
by James Finn Garner
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Stars and journeymen come and go,
But the colors stay the same
(Unless a retool’s passed by MLB,
The Heidi Klums of the game).
We cheer for laundry throughout the year,
And as the leaves turn red and gold,
The winning jerseys pull up front,
Eight teams leave the fold.
Champagne pops and high fives slap
As they reach the next plateau
And don those “Division Champ” caps and shirts
And pocket the marketing dough.
Players cheer for the laundry, too,
And a little more fold on the side.
Hey, 20 grand is 20 grand.
It buys a lot of Tide.
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Posted 10/23/2009
10/4/87
By Stuart Shea
There was a big game going on in Detroit
To decide the Eastern division champ
But my brother and I were at Comiskey
Where despite the October sunshine
The atmosphere was damp.
I was 24 but even then had an overarching sense
of melancholy.
The last game of a mediocre season?
Perfect fit for me.
The Sox beat the Athletics 5-2.
No big deal; neither team
Was going anywhere but home.
One reason we went is that we knew it would be Reggie Jackson’s last game ever.
So we alternately cheered and booed him.
He got two hits.
When the game ended
Ozzie Guillen threw his glove high in the air
And I hoped that it would never come down.
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Posted 10/21/2009
The Poetry of Baseball Found Even in its Rules
By Todd Herges
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On every umpire’s judgmental call,
Such as whether a pitch is a strike or a ball,
Or whether the sphere lands fair or lands foul,
No manager, player or substitute shall
Object to the outcome or else he will fall
From grace, from the field, from the dugout, the park:
“Y’er out!” grizzled umps often loudly will bark
At the offending jerks, the ones who don’t know,
The ones who can’t see despite daylight or glow
Of the huge vapor lamps, which hang tall and dark
‘Til dusk when they shine their light down on the field,
When the Sun says, “Hey Moon, to you I now yield –
Enjoy the big show of the men in tight pants
With their caps, their gloves and their spikes as they dance,
And the long wooden clubs they skillfully wield.”
Those offending jerks, so badly shortsighted,
Make sure to leave NASCAR-type fans delighted.
It’s like watching a wreck, a fight or a brawl,
Except the offenders see nothing at all
Wrong with their actions, it leaves them excited
About their team’s chances, or that’s what they think.
What they don’t know is that strike zones can shrink,
And bang bang-type plays can be called either way.
So when the game’s over, by end of the day,
Their team’s chance to win will most certainly stink.
Rule 9.02 (a)
[verbatim, from The Official Rules of Major League Baseball]
Any umpire’s decision which involves judgment, such as, but not limited to, whether a batted ball is fair or foul, whether a pitch is a strike or a ball, or whether a runner is safe or out, is final. No player, manager, coach or substitute shall object to any such judgment decisions.
Comment: Players leaving their position in the field or on base, or managers or coaches leaving the bench or coaches box, to argue on BALLS AND STRIKES will not be permitted. They should be warned if they start for the plate to protest the call. If they continue, they will be ejected from the game.
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Posted 10/16/2009