Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
By Stuart Shea
DODGERS
What causes shadows
Gath’ring over Dodgertown?
Oh. It’s Manny’s hair.
DIAMONDBACKS
Risky tightrope walk—
Using Felipe Lopez
As a regular.
GIANTS
If it rained all year
S.F. would avoid losing
100 ballgames.
PADRES
No big stars, no hope
Dark days ahead for the fans
Despite bright Cali skies.
ROCKIES
Jeff Francis’ arm
Wilted like Boston lettuce
Left out far too long.
Posted 3/25/09
by Stuart Shea
CUBS
Spring wish, autumn dreams
Green of youth and rust of age
Hope is…Kevin Gregg?
BREWERS
Prince Fielder’s a veg.
The racing sausages can
Rest easy all summer.
ASTROS
Bummer! Bits of sun
Are all that Minute Maid Park
Will see this season.
CARDINALS
Converted Skippy
Will be a sitting pigeon
For one hard slide.
REDS
Screw Dusty Baker!
The Reds have enough talent
To win despite him.
PITTSBURGH
Winter’s not the time
To start rebuilding a house
With no foundation.
Posted 3/23/09
by Stuart Shea
PHILLIES
Some defending champs
Next spring find their magic dust
Doesn’t work so well.
METS
Many suns have set
Since Pedro Martinez could
Throw over 90.
MARLINS
Buy season tickets!
We’ll throw in a free car wash
By Marlins players.
BRAVES
No Smoltz, No Maddux
Only Glavine left to fly
Their once-proud banner.
NATIONALS
Jim Bowden’s mission:
To leave behind a steaming pile
On Anacostia’s banks.
Posted 3/18/09
by Todd Herges
Why is it that the nation’s wide-angle lens
is replaced each Fall with an electron microscope?
The better to focus in on a game – the pastime –
an inning
an at-bat
a single pitch!
And how is it that this incredibly narrow-focused lens
can yet cause the scorecard to ignite
even though the days have grown so short,
the nights so cool,
the games so long?
The players step up to the plate,
they step up their games.
Crunch time.
It’s all been laid on the line.
And with tens of thousands screaming
within easy earshot,
and tens of millions more watching,
this fact easily near the top
of each player’s mind,
somehow, some way, they
show us heroics.
Posted 10/27/08
By Stuart Shea
The players fight at second base,
And don’t the fans just love it!
Some guy has blue paint on his face,
And don’t the fans just love it!
We’ll all yell loud and drink some beer,
We’re all so sure this IS the year,
We’ll scream ’til we forget our fear.
I don’t recall Mom’s maiden name…
And don’t the fans just love it!
I”ll look it up after the game,
And don’t the fans just love it!
Thank God the kids are back in school!
I’ll watch the game beside the pool.
My chin is covered with my drool.
I’ll buy my playoff tickets now,
And don’t the fans just love it!
I’ll pay the mortgage–don’t know how–
And don’t the fans just love it!
The owners and the players earn
More money than Britney can burn…
I’ll cry when I see my tax return,
And don’t the fans just love it!
Posted 10/22/08