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J.P. Ricciardi, Toronto’s Pencil-Pushing Party

By Stuart Shea

I.
J.P. Ricciardi, Toronto’s pencil-pushing party,
has a big, big, big, big, mouth.
Adam Dunn’s a hitter (tho J.P. sez he’s a quitter)
And he’s happy hacking homers in the south.

When Ricciardi, on the radio, dissed Dunn to Blue Jay nation,
It came without a thorough explanation.
Canadian guys, from B.C. to P.E.I,
Said, “J.P. must have skipped his medication!”

II.
Now J.P. says the two have talked it all over–
But Dunn says it just isn’t so.
The Jays fired their skipper, but look out, J. The Ripper–
You might be the next one to go.

Posted 6/30/08 

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A Mets Lament in Three Parts

By Stuart Shea

Winter 2007-08

Contention required,
A pennant desired.
Santana, admired,
For a fortune is hired.

Spring 2007-08

The team, uninspired,
At .500 is mired.
Carlos Beltran is tired,
But the sports talk hosts wired.

June 17

Willie Randolph is fired.

Posted 6/17/08

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Big Papi’s Big Hurt

By Stuart Shea

One little piece of skin,
The size of a child’s little finger,
Can bring a big man down.

The pain will linger
for David Ortiz,
For at least three weeks.

He’s in a cast…geez.
Like a mouse to an elephant,
A torn tendon sheath

Doesn’t sound significant
But to a guy
Who depends on his wrists

It’s a poke in the eye
And a full-arm cast
And a lot of sitting.

How long the pain will last
Is not clear…
But it could go all year.

Posted 6/10/08

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Rocky Road–My Favorite!

By Stuart Shea

Chocolate-dipped in a stale sugar cone,
The Rockies emit a miserable moan.

Last year the Series a reachable goal,
This year, last place and 12 games in the hole.

Their bats are as flabby as Jell-O congealed,
With pitching you’d find on a Little League field.

Where’s Tulo? He’s hurt, batting .152,
And Brad Hawpe’s bat has a case of the flu,

The offense an orange without any juice–
In a ballpark like Coors, there’s just no excuse.
Their 2007 pitchers a challenging foe,
But two thousand eight is a sick horror show.

Ubaldo Jimenez is just 1 and 6,
Jeff Francis ain’t fooling no one with his tricks.

Kip Wells, Micah Bowie, and–ugh–Glendon Rusch
Just prove that this pitching staff hasn’t got much.

What’s in a year? What will the team do?
I’m sure they’ll get better–in a season or two.

Posted 6/7/08 

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Baked Zito

By Stuart Shea

Zito, Zito,
His arm is meat-o.
He goes down
To weekly defeat-o.
His salary is
Really neat-o.
Unless you’re the Giants who may have to eat-o
His contract if he can’t find some team in the National League, or even anywhere at any level of organized baseball, that he can beat-o.

Posted 6/5/08