By James Finn Garner
With Barry Bonds back in the game,
He can begin to revive his good name
By dodging the press
‘Bout the big BALCOR mess
And looking for teammates to frame.
Barry Bonds #5
by John Shea
There once was a slugger most surly,
Whose build was suspiciously burly.
But when cut off last year
From his cream and his clear,
He hit like a miserable girly.
Barry Bonds #3
by Stu Shea
There once was a guy down the pike
Who was blacker than Andy Van Slyke.
He hits like Babe Ruth,
But to tell you the truth,
There’s little ’bout Barry to like.
A Brad (Not a Bad) Penny
by Stu Shea
Throw a Penny at a team,
And count the strikeouts.
Throw a Penny on the hill,
And watch the psych-out.
Other teams with payrolls high
Cannot hit this Dodgers guy
Sometimes talent stands alone!
This penny beats a million bones.
The Return of the Rocket
by Stu Shea
So Roger’s coming back at last.
Be still my heart that beats so fast!
Forgive me if I seem to joke
At Clemens’ latest blow of smoke.
The baseball world stands, mouth agape
As Rocket Man adjusts his cape.
Forgive me if this time I sit
And disregard this silly shit.
It’s not as if he’ll join my team,
So why should I, like others, scream,
“Roger’s back! Oh, praise the Lord!”
If my team his paycheck can’t afford?
“He wants a ring! He loves the game!”
The song remains fore’er the same.
“It’s not the money, not the perks,
It’s ’cause he loves his baseball, jerks!”
So Big George forks up mega-mills
For 15 visits to the hill.
(He doesn’t have to hang around
Those days when he’s not on the mound.)
His “veteran leadership” and arm
Calm Torre’s typical alarm.
But is it right to pay and pay
A guy who plays the game this way?
No matter what his season holds,
I’m waiting til next year unfolds,
And he retires, the spoiled dunce,
And keeps a promise just this once.