Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
by Stu Shea
How can a man like Dmitri Young
Show such talent at bat?
He’s built like a jumbo marshmallow sundae
Topped by a tiny toy hat.
Of course, Babe Ruth was no Adonis,
And Mike LaValliere made his rounds.
Smokey Burgess, Ernie Lombardi,
Both weighed at least 500 pounds.
But in an age of hGH and “vitamin shots,”
It’s nice to see a guy like Young
Do so well with the physique he’s got.
When he lets it all hang, it’s fat that’s hung.
Posted 9/14/2007
A handspring
A handspring
A double backflip,
That’s Ozzie Smith for ya,
Now watch the hits rip!
St. Louis
St. Louis
A loyal shortstop,
That’s Ozzie Smith for ya,
He’ll land at the top!
Our favorite
Our favorite
Our regular guy,
That’s Ozzie Smith for ya,
Monsieur RBI!
A triple
A triple
A rock & roll riff,
That’s Ozzie Smith for ya,
He’ll steal in a jif!
Posted 9/12/07
By Stu Shea
Hunter Pence is intense
When he climbs the fence
Or knocks a high fastball right out of its stents.
The ‘Stros really stink
But already fans think
That Pence is the way to get out of the drink.
Without Hunter Pence
They’d fold up their tents—
Sans Pence, Houston’s Astros ain’t worth but two cents.
Posted 9/11/2007.
The Coleman Stove can cook,
Grill,
And hit home runs.
The Coleman Stove is weather resistant,
Made of stainless steel,
And steals bases time and again.
Fueled by gas
and
Electricity
and
Gates Barbecue Sauce.
The Coleman Stove:
Lifetime warranty…
To kick ass.
Posted 9/7/2007
by Justin Kaufmann
(clearing throat) Hello. I would like to read a poem entitled “Today, your 1983 Minnesota Twins starting line-up is….”
(adjusting mic, deep breath)
“Ron Washington
Tim Teufel
Gary Gaetti
Kent Hrbek
Rusty Kuntz
Jim Eisenreich
Mickey Hatcher
Tom Brunansky
Tim Laudner
and Brad Havens.”
Thank you. (huge applause, no snapping)
(Justin’s site, with his comedy teammates: Schadenfreude.net)
Posted 9/4/2007