How Not to Draw a Walk
By Hilary Barta
Some players are known for their spit
Far fewer for something they writ
This unusual bat
Should have its own stat
And with it the guy got a hit!
Toronto’s Ernie Clement comes prepared for class against the Cubs on August 16, 2024, Players Appreciation Day.
Obituary
by Dave Margolis
Joe Andrews died on Monday
Played a little ball in the minors
Back in the early 50’s
Quit when he was 24
Terrible drunk
He beat that in time
Got married
Sold cars
Had 4 daughters and a son
But in his playing days
He helped out a skinny colored kid
That the locals were mean to
Joe carried a bat with him
When he left the locker room
A Louisville Slugger
And when the diners refused to serve
The skinny colored kid
Joe would sit in the bus and eat with him
He didn’t know someday the kid would be
Henry Aaron
That didn’t enter into it
Joe just saw a scared skinny kid
That folks were mean to
Joe drank too much
He couldn’t run a lick
And it was just a matter of time
(Once they started curvin’ him)
But he knew how to use that Louisville Slugger
Joe Andrews, who in fact died in 2001, helped Hall of Famer Hank Aaron overcome racism in the early days of his career. Andrews and Aaron played with the Braves’ Class A farm team in Jacksonville in 1953. Andrews backed Aaron as he endured racist taunts and slurs, and carried a Louisville Slugger to scare away attackers when he was with Aaron on the street. While Aaron went on to break Babe Ruth’s career home run record of 714, Andrews struggled with alcoholism, and his career fizzled. He quit baseball at 24 after three years with Jacksonville. Later he quit drinking and helped prisoners in his local county jail who suffered from addiction.
The Olympia Beer Ideal
by James Finn Garner
Two weeks of contests in Paris
Of every conceivable style
Athletes honed like hardened steel
Ladecky, Tebogo, Yee, Li, Biles
What focus and determination
To swim, box, dive, run, throw
Pushing their mental endurance
And how far their bodies can go
They remind me of what John Kruk
Once told a hotel lobby hater.
He said, “Lady, I ain’t an athlete–
I’m a baseball player.”
Richard “Dickie” Kerr
by Michael Ceraolo
Because of my small size,
it took several years of minor-league excellence
for me to finally make the majors,
but when I did I had success,
including those two World Series wins
you’ve read about or seen on-screen
(though I was actually left-handed, not right-)
Having leverage with the Black Sox suspended,
I held out before the 1921 season,
and Comiskey and Grabiner had little choice
but to pay me the higher salary,
though they grumbled about being taken advantage of
When before the next season I asked for a multi-year contract,
Grabiner refused to even negotiate with me
(you always dealt with Grabiner,
never sure if he was following Comiskey’s orders
or taking the hardline on his own),
so I played for a Chicago semi-pro team
and was banned by Landis for almost four years;
when I was reinstated I didn’t last long
Years later I made a big contribution to baseball:
while managing in the minors
I helped a struggling young pitcher greatly improve,
though I didn’t think he would ever reach major-league caliber
I thought his hitting was major-league caliber,
so I played him in the outfield between starts
When he hurt his shoulder diving for a fly ball,
that effectively ended his career as a pitcher,
but Stan Musial proved my judgment about his hitting correct
