The Curious Case of Fidd Sinch

By Dr. Rajesh C. Oza

During this Spring Training,
Wizened old scouts were heaping
Much praise on Tigers rookie Fidd Sinch:

“A Tibetan phenom, ah!
He prays like the Dalai Lama
And throws like a reincarnated Mark Fidrych.”

Fidd, named after “The Bird,”
Chants a silly-sly Buddhist word
Before every thrown ball.

The chanted mantra is Ton-Plimp, Ton-Plimp,
Meaning “Beware of the cheeky chimp
Penning this April 1 doggerel.”

In honor of the 40th anniversary of George Plimpton’s Sports Illustrated April Fools’ Day hoax.

Spin Rate

by Tom Lagasse

With curveballs bouncing hard into the dirt,
and four seamers zipping under his
opponent’s chins, Donald Trump’s spin rate
sends him to the training room twice a day for ice.
Preferring wildness over control, he doesn’t care
if he gets someone hurt. His fans cheer because
they believe he is the franchise’s savior
yet fail to understand this high spin rate
causes career-ending injuries. Perhaps
it is only a matter of time when the brief
hope of rebuilding and making the team
great again must wait another four years
if the country is not sold or relocated by then.

 

SOUVENIR DEATH Experience

by Michael X. Ferraro

The fans in the stands said,
“This foul ball or your life!”
Mookie said, “I’m thinking”–
In the Bronx, best bring a knife.