by Jim Siergey
Originally published in The Chicago Baseball Magazine.
Non-Apology Follows Non-Joke
by James Finn Garner
He doesn’t deserve any more ink
But that Yankee jagoff sure spread his stink.
Probably racist,
But whate’er the case is,
Douche is as douche does, I do think.
The No No-No
by Greg Simetz
The fans in Cincinnati
Have been driven somewhat batty
By a ball club bound for doom.
Then hurlers Greene and Warren
Achieved a feat so rare and foreign
Finally cutting through the gloom.
Holding Pirate batters hitless
For eight innings, said one witness,
Appeared to seal a Redlegs win
But in a twist of fate so wicked
A fielder’s choice was committed
And they lost a no-hit gem.
Casey on the Mound
by Jim Siergey
The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the Mudville ace that day
He had to receive his signals in a different kind of way
“Throw the heater” e-signalled the catcher, “GFU” texted back Ol’ Case
“WTF?” responded the backstop
“LOL” replied the moundsman
“Curve Ball” e-sponded Catch
“W/E”
“W@?”
“FWM”
“RUOK?”
“RME”
“SRSLY?”
“W@?”
“You’re breaking up”
“You’re breaking up”
“W@?”
Oh, somewhere in this favored land dark clouds may hide the sun,
And somewhere bands no longer play and children have no fun,
And somewhere over blighted lives there hangs a heavy pall,
For the game was called because Casey could not release the ball!
Rip Sewell
by Michael Ceraolo
I’m proud of my major-league career,
though some will denigrate it
because I pitched through the war
I’m proud of resurrecting the eephus pitch
(I thought I had invented it,
but I understand historians have found
someone who threw it before I was born)
But what I’m most proud of is my part
in the defeat of Murphy’s Guild in ’46:
I spoke out against the strike,
and the proposed union went down to defeat
