Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
When basketball players complained
About the ball, the NBA fixed it.
When hockey players complained
About the puck, the NHL fixed it.
But when baseball players complained
About the ball, MLB … well, it didn’t fix it.
Instead, seemingly clueless, MLB has allowed
Three different balls — one, Matt Scherzer
Has said, as hard as a cue ball — and has
No intention of fixing the problem, even though
Getting hit by a pitch this year is on
Average at an all-time league high.
After saying “goodbye” to Joe West
We need to espy a new pest.
As shown with aplomb
By good ol’ Schwarbomb
Angel Hernandez is now the least best.
Good for Kyle Schwarber standing up to Angel Hernandez for both teams
“All f***ing night! The whole night! On both sides, f***ing horses**t!” pic.twitter.com/6yS40lMaFM
— Tony Clements (@TonyCMKE) April 25, 2022
Originally published in The Chicago Baseball Magazine.
To the rest of the teams in the East
The Blue Jays now seem like a beast
If stars do not vax
They’ll find that they lack
Any way not to be the birds’ feast.
Red Sox COVID-19 vaccine issues could have a massive lasting impact
Man, with every passing hour
I want to hear less of Trevor Bauer
Suing a reporter from The Athletic
For defamation is pathetic
If he doesn’t give a depostion
A jury can consider that position
And if he talks, all we’ll find
is a violent and defective mind
Acting wildly victimized
About the woman he sodomized
After punching her unconscious–
This bro is completely noxious.