The CBA won’t stop teams from tanking
Or boost what rookies are banking
But keeps Alcantara
A non-batter-a
For small blessings (I guess) I am thanking.
The CBA won’t stop teams from tanking
Or boost what rookies are banking
But keeps Alcantara
A non-batter-a
For small blessings (I guess) I am thanking.
Just days ago I had gone
To the natural history museum:
To see if MLB’s remains —
Like the dinosaurs —
Were now on display
But while looking for fossils
Of owners, players, and …
And, oh look, that’s Rob Manfred …
I gratefully learned from a guide
That the toxic asteroid —
Like the one so long ago
That sealed the dinosaurs’ fate —
Had been averted, and now
The only display of note was
The species named “Universal D.H.”
Written during the last baseball strike in 1995, 27 years ago. Hope it doesn’t happen again!
If only Abner Doubleday could step back to today,
He’d be mighty disappointed his game is not in play.
He’d expect to find the traffic and the folks around the park,
‘Cause he knew that there’d be day games, and as many after dark.
He would want to see the rippling of Old Glory ‘gainst the sky,
And the silhouettes of people on a mission shuffling by.
He would sniff to find the favorite smells, familiar and clear,
Of relish, dogs and mustard, and a hint of stale warm beer.
Old Abner D. would want to hear the sound of cracking bat,
And see the man in right field smooth his hair beneath his hat.
But there is no sweating pitcher, no dusty slide to third,
There is no home run ball that goes a-flying like a bird.
There is no team that’s visiting, no coaches, batboys, so
No spitting, scratching home team in the dugout down below.
Where is the center fielder, where’s the catcher and his sign?
Where’s the skinny, scrappy manager who won’t step on a line?
Where’s the nimble-legged shortstop, where’s the unexpected shout
Of the chest-protected umpire who too often yells, “YER OUT!”
Where’s the blooper, where’s the error, where’s the field of grassy green,
Where the two colliding fielders as the ball falls in between?
Old Doubleday would lift his eyes to see the scoreboard dark,
And the lonely seats all empty all around the baseball park.
He would shuffle ‘cross the infield and would probably heave a sigh,
Saying, “Why, oh why, in ’94 did baseball have to die?”
There was magic in the sunshine, there was magic when it rained.
When the Tigers left the diamond every loyal fan complained.
Can’t the owners and the players just sit down and have a talk?
We want vendors hawking pizza and four balls to be a walk!
We miss our favorite pastime in those old and hallowed places,
We need the sound and sight of baseball in our ears and in our faces!
Something’s missing on the sports page, something’s missing in the News,
We’re deprived as fans of baseball, we’ve a right to sing the blues!
There’s a blank in our existence, it’s a dirty rotten shame,
Players aren’t compiling numbers for the Baseball Hall of Fame.
There is truth in that old adage, Abner’s spirit roams the crowd,
And he sits among the faithful, cheering boist’rously and loud!
Now his spirit needs appeasing, now the fans stand sad and blue.
In the ninth with bases loaded, where’s the answer tried and true?
We WANT to see the game again, we LONG to hear the call,
Of a feisty, sunburned umpire and those special words, ‘PLAY BALL!”
Please don’t react with alarm
Gonna start saying “arm barn”.
The greed it’s proclaiming
with crypto and gaming
Has cost the game much of its charm.
Every time we eat, he ALWAYS gets the tab.
Shoos a fly on the street — Voila! Here’s your cab.
Scratched his nose at Christie’s, “won” a rare Vermeer.
Wilmer winked at my mom — that’s how I got here.
Michael X. Ferraro is the author of the satirical sports novel Circus Catch, which asks what would happen if one athlete told the truth in the golden age of cheating.