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Cy Slapnicka

by Michael Ceraolo

Cynical sportswriters called me Sly
because I played fast and loose with the rules
We nearly lost Bob Feller because of it,
but his and Bill’s desire for him to remain with Cleveland
because of our rapport as fellow Iowans,
plus the Commissioner’s decision
to save the owners from themselves
by forestalling a bidding war,
carried the day for us
We weren’t as fortunate with Tommy Henrich,
but we got lucky again with Lou Boudreau
Two out of three is a good batting average in rule-breaking,
so I guess maybe the sportswriters were right

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Spider Tack

by Doug K.

(Sung to the tune of, well, do we have to tell you?)

Spider Tack, Spider Tack
It makes up for a talent lack
Spin a pitch, rally’s die
Turn home runs into weak pop flies
Look out! The pitcher’s got Spider Tack.

Is it strong? Listen bud
Ten times more spin than using mud
Can it make a pitch break?
Get outs down the middle on one’s they take
Strike three! He’s using Spider Tack.

In the heat of night, with the game on the line
Just employ the tack and strike out more than nine

Spider Tack, Spider Tack
Pitch outside and still brush them back
Wealth and fame can be yours
Make the game a total bore
With tack, it will off set your heater
Who cares if you’re a cheater…
You’re using Spider Tack!

Originally published on the essential Yankee blog, It is High, It is Far, It is….caught.

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Kissing Your Sister on Prom Night

by James Finn Garner

How I ended up on second base
Don’t ask me to explain

It’s the top of the 10th and I’m standing
Like a bum at Division and Main

Like a live participation trophy
The double date found for a friend

Didn’t hit, bunt, walk or get plunked
Just appeared like a comic book villain

Why wait to decide this like always?
Give the bum’s rush to this tie game?

Because everyone loves extra innings
Except a VP who might be late for a plane.

 

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Unseen Effects of Unwritten Rules

by James Finn Garner

The unwritten rules in their dusty tomes
Are never long without a home
Consulted when game etiquette
Might require subtle signs of respect

Like when a throwback managerial cuss
Throws his rookie star under a bus
When he was only doing his job
Smashing a slow-motion lob

Whoever’s “clueless” here can be debated
And the Chisox success isn’t fated
The unwritten rules do not deem
To show how you alienate a team.

 

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Helen Callaghan

by Michael Ceraolo

Fathers playing catch with sons? Sure
But what about mothers playing catch with sons?
Or anybody playing catch with daughters?
Obviously, somebody played catch with us
or we wouldn’t have become ballplayers
And where well over a hundred fathers
have had sons who also became major-league ballplayers,
I am the only mother who had a son
who also became a major-league ballplayer
And since, as of today, there is no league
where women can play baseball,
I will, sadly, have that distinction
for the foreseeable future