Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Tons of money for the owners.
Ignorance of player-dopers.
More exploitative contract bids
For dirt-poor Caribbean kids.
A baseball classic for the world
Where U.S. players rarely hurled.
With anti-trust still holding fast,
Small-market teams still finish last.
Now, Milwaukee celebrates this schwanz
With a Selig statue cast in bronze.
Posted 8/30/10
So the news comes that Mark McGwire
On the subject of juice was a liar.
Plus, it’s a good bet
That water is wet
And it hurts to grab something on fire.
“I’m not here to talk ’bout the past,”
Mark blurted to Congress so fast,
Whatever the pride
He had that day died
To give a defense so half-assed.
To get a job working for Tony,
Mark had to confess his baloney.
He was juiced to the ears
Those homer-soaked years,
A fame-drunk, preposterous phony.
To get in the Cooperstown Hall,
McGwire will wait for his call
Til Hell freezes over,
The sea swallows Dover,
And Sammy parleys like Bill Engvall.
Posted 8/29/10
If Roger goes to court,
It’ll be an unfamiliar sport,
Where there’s no way to throw inside
Or otherwise use horsehide.
Who will decide?
When Roger’s in the book,
How will all the numbers look?
Seven Cy Youngs should say it all,
But the Feds are gonna have a ball
About Winstrol.
By Stuart Shea
.
K-Rod, relief ace,
Why smash your father-in-law in the face?
3 Mil down the drain,
And you won’t ever pitch for the Mets again.
K-Rod, bad thumb,
Going to court when the surgery’s done.
You didn’t bend–only break,
And your life has changed from one mistake.
Don Wakamatsu, he
Told Chone Figgins, “Hit the showers.”
Figgins, a la Hong Kong Phooey,
Showed how he can hit for power.
Tie the skipper to the mast,
Seattle’s ship is sinking fast.