Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
By Stuart Shea
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Now that George is dead,
Who’ll say the things that need not be said?
Now that George is gone,
Who will carry on and carry on and carry on?
Now that George has passed,
Who’ll deliver a ridiculous blast?
Now that George is history,
Who’s left to make the Yankees a travesty?
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Posted 7/15/2010
By Stuart Shea
Carlos Zambrano
Has pitched like bat guano
For the last two seasons or so.
Now Carlos Zambrano
Is the talk of the tawn-o
Since his little dugout show.
If Carlos Zambrano
Just wants to be gone-o
Many Cub fans will open the door.
“Cause Carlos Zambrano
Is making us pond’o
Whether he just can’t pitch any more.
Posted 7/2/10
by Millie Bovich
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When 25 came up to bat,
The crowd erupted — ‘member that?
Then Jackson pulled one from the skies,
A miracle before our eyes.
Twenty-six then took the heat.
Two outs! The fans all on their feet.
So 27 tapped the plate.
The anxious throng could hardly wait.
The hitter nipped an infield ball,
And then the most disputed call.
The runner obviously was out.
The fans began to rant and shout.
Who says the umpire can’t be wrong?
Joyce on first gets baseball’s gong!
Leyland roared in Joyce’s face,
One thundrous “boo” engulfed the place.
A perfect game slipped ‘Mando’s hands.
Deep disappointment filled the stands.
This time an error the ump did make,
Too late admitting his mistake.
Galarraga’s perfect game
Was stolen! What a dirty shame!
The only perfect game to date
Whose batters totaled 28!
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Millie Bovich has been a Detroit Tigers fan for more than eight decades.
Posted 6/4/2010
by James Finn Garner
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After the call that the umpire blew,
What could Armando Galarraga do?
Drag him to court in front of a judge,
Since now his market value was smudged?
Argue some kind of liberal plot?
Threaten to meet Joyce in the parking lot?
Hire a hit man to mangle his mug?
Break down on “Oprah” to get some O-hugs?
Threaten his wife, kids, brothers and sisters?
Publish his home phone number on Twitter?
Beg ol’ Bud Selig for some Commissioner’s magic?
Hire some flacks for his story so tragic?
Buy off some pols to rewrite the rules?
Sic Milton Bradley on his family jewels?
But Armando showed character larger than fame.
He smiled, shook hands and went on with the game.
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Posted 6/3/2010
By Stuart Shea
Hanley Ramirez jogged after the ball.
Hanley Ramirez didn’t hustle at all.
Hanley Ramirez was pulled from the game.
Hanley Ramirez tried shifting the blame.
Hanley Ramirez blew off some steam.
Hanley Ramirez was shunned by his team
Hanley Ramirez heard from the press.
Hanley Ramirez was in a big mess.
Hanley Ramirez, we know, isn’t dense.
Hanley Ramirez came to his sense.
Hanley Ramirez has answered the mob.
Now Hanley Ramirez goes back to his job.
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Posted 5/31/10