by John Shea
There once was a slugger most surly,
Whose build was suspiciously burly.
But when cut off last year
From his cream and his clear,
He hit like a miserable girly.
Barry Bonds #3
by Stu Shea
There once was a guy down the pike
Who was blacker than Andy Van Slyke.
He hits like Babe Ruth,
But to tell you the truth,
There’s little ’bout Barry to like.
Bonds of Irony
by Stu Shea
Whitey Ford and Willie Mays,
Lew Burdette and Elroy Face,
Bunning, Stargell, Wynn, and Rose,
Gaylord Perry, goodness knows!
Famous players, heroes all,
Most of them are in the Hall.
Where’s the “throw the bums out” call
Since they used speed, or scuffed the ball?
***
When Barry Bonds breaks Aaron’s mark,
Skeletons will fill the park.
Bud will lie to us again
About how much he knew, and when.
Fans will throw their hands up high
And try to find a reason why
They ought to go to baseball games
And see stars besmirch their own names.
Barry Bonds #2
by James Finn Garner
A colossal slugger named Barry
Had an outlook cheerful and merry,
Til you ask if his muscles
Come from workout room hustle,
Then he’ll threaten to rip your arms off and shove them up your ass because you’re always picking on him.
Barry Bonds #1
by James Finn Garner
Barry Bonds put himself to the test,
To beat Babe Ruth’s tally his quest.
To be home run king,
He would try anything.
So what if he grew some huge breasts?