Why Be Normal?

by James Finn Garner

Dock Ellis dropping LSD
Yankee pitchers swapping keys
The Bird and Bill Lee spacing out
The Babe battling the clap and gout

While these actions might be reckless,
Modern players seem so feckless,
Corporate suits with all the spice
Of a Pepsi Lite with lime, no ice.

I want to bellow: “Why be normal?
“Show some life! Don’t be so formal!”
It’s more fun to watch Lee Van Cleef
Than cheer for Wally without the Beave.

Non-Starters

by Hilary Barta

In the spring ev’ry team starts a race
For the pennant they’re each in the chase
.      ‘Cept those “lovable losers”,
.      Hapless glove/bat abusers,
The Cubs, never reaching first base.

 

Hilary Barta’s illustrations and other limericks can be found at LimerWrecks.

Drugs In Baseball

by Stephen Jones

Everybody’s body does break down . . .
that comes with the territory . . . but
PEDs, steroids and HGH taken
in baseball, that’s an ever-long question.

Success, failure, performance on the field,
an athlete’s burden . . . bottom line and future
double-edged: Maintain home plate posture
. . . while avoiding prying exposure.

Fair or foul, the problem is difficult,
maybe like a knuckleball . . . is hard to hit
while easy to see.  Our own expectations
run high, are so demanding.  We expect,

perhaps media-fueled, perhaps more than
what is possible.  Each record immediate . . .
is just another instance, is just another
moment arbitrarily to be broken.

 

2013 AL West Prediction Haiku

By Stuart Shea

HOUSTON
Welcome to the league!
You youngsters enjoy yourselves
As you lose each day

LOS ANGELES
Trout Fishing in spring…
Or Prince Albert in a can?
Is Ryan Mad, son?

OAKLAND
Bartolo Colon
Is still suspended. So…more
food in the clubhouse?

SEATTLE
Raul Ibanez
Played for Seattle during
Bill Clinton’s first term

TEXAS
Replacing Josh H.
With Martin and Gentry? That’s
Carob for dessert

 

2013 AL Central Prediction Haiku

By Stuart Shea

CHICAGO
No Sale, no pennant?
Can Beckham bend it foreward?
Is Konerko Dunn?

CLEVELAND
Re-seeding is hard.
Big contracts are easier.
80-82.

DETROIT
No closer, no stress?
Just win every game by five!
(Time for a Zantac.)

KANSAS CITY
The Wil to win “soon”
Has been supplanted by the
Will to win today.

MINNESOTA
Ten thousand lakes teem
With tears from ticket-holding
Twin fan Targetees.