Long Out

by Van

What I remember the most– is the silence,
a white orb in a blue sky,
me silently digging across the green grass–
a stretch beyond reach–
the ball striking my glove’s pocket.
Perhaps a tumble. Perhaps not.
Looking into third–
the coaches hands up!
You’re out,
and the runner
stopping,
stunned,
looking at me
cursing me with his body.
You’re out, young man.
You’re out.

 

Field of Dreams (1989)

by Bob McKenty

This “Field of Dreams” was once a field of corn
Until a voice mysteriously sends
Kinsella on a quest. A ballfield’s born:
Necropolis for Shoeless Joe and friends.
More voices. Off to Boston to enlist,
If necessary, kidnap (petty crime).
A surly writer (Sixties activist).
They’ll cross the country and the bounds of time
To give dead Moonlight Graham his first at-bat
Against a big-league pro. Emergency!
Doc Graham to the rescue. Who is that
(The catcher)? Looks familiar. Can it be…?!
A corny story certainly. So why
Does “Wanna have a catch, Dad?” make me cry?

 

Shohei’s Plea

by Rajesh C. Oza

In memory of “Fiddler on the Roof’s” Sheldon Harnick, 1924-2023

Trademaker, Trademaker
Find me a team,
Catch me a win.

Trademaker, Trademaker
Look to your scouts.
And make me a perfect trade.

Night after night on the Halos I’m alone
So find me a match,
Of my own.

I’ll bring my arm,
My big bat, too.
Bring me a ring
For I’m longing to be,
The envy of all I see.

For Papa,
Make me a winner.
For Mama,
Make me rich as a king.

For me, well,
I wouldn’t holler
If just once I wore a World Series ring.

Trademaker, Trademaker
Find me a team,
Catch me a win.

Trademaker, Trademaker
Look to your scouts.
And make me a perfect trade.

Dr. Oza is a management consultant and facilitates the interpersonal dynamics of MBAs at Stanford University. His novel, Double Play, will be published in 2024 by Chicago’s Third World Press.

 

Minor League Letter Home

by James Finn Garner

Based on an incident witnessed on June 13, 2023, in a game between the Vancouver Canadians and the Hillsboro Hops.

I’m having a swell time, Pops,
Behind the plate for the Hillsboro Hops,
And speaking of swell,
I might rest a spell
After catching a foul tip in the knob.

More Unwritten Rules of Baseball

By James Finn Garner and Jim Siergey

•    Don’t talk to a pitcher who’s throwing a no-hitter or perfect game.
•    Never slap the ball out of a fielder’s glove or distract him from catching a pop-up.
•   Don’t swing at the first pitch if the last two hitters hit home runs.
•   Never try to break up a no-hitter by releasing feral pigs onto the field.
•   After a home run, a batter should not flip, burn, bury, lick or sing a love song to his bat.
•   After making an out to end an inning, the batter should not run over the pitcher’s Mounds bar.
•   After hitting a home run, a batter should not drop trou and shit on the pitcher’s mound. The mound is considered the pitcher’s exclusive “territory,” and only he is allowed to shit there.
•   A pitcher should not throw at a batter’s children.
•   On a 3-0 pitch, a batter should not break out his iPhone to check texts or post on Instagram.
•   Infielders should not write love letters in the dirt.
•   A catcher should not rip a piece of fabric when a batter swings to make him think he has split his pants.
•   When a pitcher has a no-hitter going, everyone in the dugout should use exaggerated mime actions (e.g., pulling an invisible rope) to communicate.
•   Whether pets or no, hybrid wolves are not allowed in the bullpen.
•   Outfielders are not allowed to use dune buggies to field their positions.
•   Batters are not allowed to bunt if they make more than $13 million that season.
•   Extension grabbers hidden in outfielders’ gloves are strictly taboo.
•   “Cumbly mumbly jumbly fumbly / Gimby gumby foo foo!” (sic)
•   First basemen should not discuss existentialism with baserunners.
•   Catchers are not allowed to give fake haircuts to batters.
•   If a rhinoceros enters the field, play is suspended until the head umpire finishes reading aloud from Ionesco.

Reprinted from the nation’s best humor magazine, The American Bystander, issue #25.