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For Major Leaguers Past Their Prime

by Stephen Jones

Empty as an aerosol can.
In baseball, it’s called
Shuttin’ it down.

“Time was, I had a full tank,
And I could drive forever.
Now I’m O-for-infinity
And can’t even get a walk.
Once, I used to clubhouse park
And boast about October.
Now it’s a car called Legacy
In which I’m just a rider.”

Funny, how baseball is
Timeless — and yet we’re all
Mortal in the business.

 

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Crunch Time

by Hilary Barta

When cramping and losing your grip,
Don’t panic! Get fluids and sip
And so systems won’t flood,
Enlist the old spud,
That champ of snack foodstuffs, the chip.

 

Dealing with cramping in his right hand, Cubs pitcher Jason Hammel was told by his doctor to eat more potato chips for their potassium.