Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Braves
“The Braves will be good”???
…what I like about the South
Is its humility
Marlins
Oh, Giancarlo,
Is 300 mil enough
To stand Loria?
Mets
It was a bright day
When the Wheel fell off the cart
Leaving three good ones
Phillies
Men with few assets
Should not bargain as if they
Can afford to wait
Nationals
The young man acts young;
His elders, who know better,
Lecture and complain
Astros
Unpronounceable,
The Opening Day starter—
It’s Dallas Keuchel!
Angels
The favorite son—
Prodigal again errant—
Setting in the West
Athletics
Old southpaws don’t die
Until they’ve had a chance to
Make the A’s roster
Mariners
A strong-armed fellow
Will bear the expectations
Of the great northwest
Rangers
A once-proud franchise
Sliding down the Banister,
Into pool or pile?
Orioles
Hitless in 20…
Not a great way to come back
Is it, Matt Wieters?
Red Sox
New acquisition
For Boston’s Zoo—a panda.
He won’t go hungry.
Yankees
First spring in many
With a wide-open spot where
A legend once trod.
Rays
All the big names gone
And one eye is looking north
Thinking of Quebec.
Blue Jays
It’s hard to know, man…
Can they win without Stroman?
Does Haiku need rhyme?
The start of each season,
Your team has new reason
To think this might be their year,
Though every team’s fans
Likewise make their plans
To partake of team’s World Series cheer!
Let the fire burn out
In your stove, we’re about
To join your team for Spring Training fun;
Though snow is not melting
Back home, we’re sweltering
Underneath a near-tropical sun.
We’ll see who’s been signed to
Join your team, and now who
Still looks fit in their old uniform.
We will evaluate
Those who came to camp late,
See who already blew out his arm;
For I think it behooves
Fans to study the moves
By their teams made in off-season deals,
Like your team who ain’t won
Major League Gonfalon
In years despite your life-long appeals.
But it’s a new season,
And you have your reason
To think certainly “This is next year!”
So, despite other fans
Also making their plans,
This is your year for World Series cheer!
Winter’s been raw as a campout in Banff.
Your new basement walls are moldy and damp.
Your drapes caught fire from a knocked over lamp—
Relax!
Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.
Your check-writing hand’s developed a cramp,
Your bills are all due and you ain’t got a stamp,
Creditors cling to your neck like a clamp—
Smile!
Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.
Your yard now faces a new freeway ramp.
Your son is engaged to a gold-digging tramp.
Your “guitar hero” neighbor’s just bought a new amp—
Life is good!
Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.
First posted 2/13/2008