Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
WHITE SOX
Can the Sox play tough?
White indicates purity…
Are dirty suits allowed?
INDIANS
If only Swisher
Struck out more often…but then,
Truth ain’t poetry.
TIGERS
The old roar is gone…
No more sneaking cigarettes.
It’s a young man’s turn.
ROYALS
It is difficult
To keep from strangling youth with
High expectations.
TWINS
Mauer ain’t sour,
He’s heretofore banished from
Those bad Twins hurlers.
BLUE JAYS
Like other Canucks,
Jays fly south to Florida
But must return soon.
ORIOLES
“Is his knee healed up?”
What about the pitching? The–
“Is his knee healed up?”
RAYS
Wil Myers lead off?
Wil he be a new Joe D?
Wil success spoil him?
RED SOX
A bee swarm hovers,
Scaring off the ballplayers.
Nature owns nature.
YANKEES
The old men dream on,
Echoes of glory cascade
In crisp March sunshine.
BREWERS
Forecast for ’14?
Lots of Braun but little brain.
Enjoy fourth place, guys.
CARDINALS
Yadier Molina—
Buster Posey before the
new Buster Posey.
CUBS
Huh. “Wait til next year”
From a franchise managed by
Weekly profit/loss.
PIRATES
There’s one more Hurdle:
Convert iron not to steel
But to a trophy.
REDS
Time for a Price change—
It was getting Dusty there.
Maybe they’ll win now.
BRAVES
Upton up and down?
Uggla ugly or upward?
Freddie a Free Man?
MARLINS
Now that everyone
Has left the stadium, the
Rebuild can begin.
METS
A farewell to arms—
No Harvey, no Mejia?
And one fat Colon.
NATIONALS
Welcome, Matt Williams!
Now that you’re here, it’s assumed
You’ll win right away.
PHILLIES
Old men, broken down,
Troll the green fields of the town,
Searching for what’s gone.