Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Once I had a dozen brewsky
with my buddy Ted Kluszewski
Then I got completely urban
with my buddy Pedro Bourbon
Next I had a jug of rum
with my buddy big Mike Lum
But I never used the spike
with my buddy Ozark Ike.
George Bowering once served as the Parliamentary Poet Laureate of Canada, and is the author most recently of the memoir Pinboy.
HOUSTON
Welcome to the league!
You youngsters enjoy yourselves
As you lose each day
LOS ANGELES
Trout Fishing in spring…
Or Prince Albert in a can?
Is Ryan Mad, son?
OAKLAND
Bartolo Colon
Is still suspended. So…more
food in the clubhouse?
SEATTLE
Raul Ibanez
Played for Seattle during
Bill Clinton’s first term
TEXAS
Replacing Josh H.
With Martin and Gentry? That’s
Carob for dessert
Truckin’, season tix cash in. Keep truckin’, for the boo-in’ fan
Clearwooder, yeah dat weather’s fine, just keep truckin’ on.
Arrows all point that the Phils won’t get back to the playoffs
Texas, San Fran, Detroit will go back to the playoffs
Your typical team enmeshed in its annual pipe dream
Win it all now and to hell with tomorrow’s rings.
Atlanta’s got the Upton bros; the Nats are full of upstart woes;
New York’s got D’Arnaud for years; but that debt wont let them be, oh no.
Most of the fans that you meet on this site use advanced stats,
Most of the time they’re sittin’ and typin’ at home
One of these days they’ll find the numbers tell true lies
And they’re better off watchin’ the game with their two eyes.
Truckin’, for the boo-in’ fan. The ones that bought a Sunday plan
Sometimes they ain’t worth a dump, when Lannan’s on the bump
Sometimes I listen to Dubya-Eye-Pee;
It gets me so mad I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me, what a long, five years it’s been.
What in the world ever happened to Roy H?
He lost his heater, you know he isn’t the same
Chooch’s performance enhancin’ was so lame
All we can do now is wait for the 51st game.
Truckin’, down to Clearwooder, been thinkin’, got to get younger
Takes time, you pick a first-round stud, and just keep truckin’ on.
Sittin’ and starin’ out at the feed of my Twitt stream
Gelb got a tip that RAJ gotta deal again
I’d like a young guy who’s got a shred of talent
But if there’s a true vet, I guess he’s gonna come in.
Defense, down the outfield lines, moves slow, like a bowlin’ pin
E-5, gets to wearin’ thin. You just won’t wanna see, oh no.
He’s sick of losin’ again and he’d like to go tradin’;
Gets tired of tradin’ and he wants to develop the farm.
I guess they can’t fire Amaro for tryin’
He’s got some Plans B, and I guess they’re all pretty sound.
Sometimes I listen to Dubya-Eye-Pee;
Other times, Mike Missannell-eeee;
Lately it occurs to me, what a long, five years it’s been.
Truckin’, I’m a rollin’ South. whoa whoa baby, to where the Phils’ fountain
De Leon’s, gotta patch old bones, and get back truckin’ on.
Like many kids of the 1950s, I loved baseball. I played on teams throughout my youth and in 1964 I received an invitation to spring training camp for a tryout with the Pittsburgh Pirates. I’m still waiting to hear from them. In the meantime, I’ve been writing a few poems…
I may have lost a step or two,
(Or four, or six, or eight).
My bat speed may have slowed a bit,
(Much like a rusty gate).
My fastball may have lost some pop,
My slider may be have slid,
But when I dream of baseball,
I become a kid.
A glint of steel in my young stare,
Swagger in my stride,
I saunter to the plate
With confidence and pride.
A fastball down the middle,
I swing with all my might,
Old Rawlings soars past the crowd
And deep into the night.
There I am in summer’s glow
Warmed by hometown cheers,
Rounding third and striding home,
Back to my boyhood years.
Suddenly I’m sixty-six
Asleep in winter’s sun,
Dreaming of what might have been
When I was twenty-one.
Still I wait to take the call,
To hear them say my name,
An old man dreaming of the day
He played a young man’s game.
Charles Ghigna (Father Goose) is a poet, children’s author, speaker, and nationally syndicated feature writer for Tribune Media Services.
Williamsport
Late August
Kids of summer rule
Teams gather
From all corners of the globe
Baseball
Like it was meant to be played
No-hitters
Walk-off home runs
Final inning rallies
Japan the champion
But
Every team a winner
Gotta love this game