The Ballplayer

by Wayne F. Burke

.    Eddie found a rubber ball and begun throwing it off the side of the house and catching it on the rebound. To sharpen his reflexes.
.    His grandmother put a stop to that. “No throwing the ball off the side of the house!”
.    “But it is a rubber ball,” Eddie protested.
.    “I don’t care! I said don’t throw the ball off the house!”
.    Nincompoop!
.    Eddie begun going to the sand and gravel pit on the other side of Howling Avenue. He threw rocks at the telephone poles to strengthen his arm.
.    Down in the cellar of the house he daily took 50 swings with a baseball bat, sometimes more.
.    Occasionally he was able to talk his younger brother into a game of catch in the driveway. A game that never lasted long, as his brother complained loudly that Eddie threw the ball too hard.
.    On rainy days Eddie read the books about baseball he checked out of the public library. He read about Ty Cobb, Babe Ruth, George Sisler, Shoeless Joe, Joltin’ Joe, Hammerin’ Hank, The Say-Hey Kid; he studied the backs of the baseball cards he bought at the store for five cents a pack—five cards and a slab of pink bubblegum. He memorized statistics of the players.
.    He went to the field to try out for the Little League and was picked by the AFL-CIO, and given a gray and red uniform and cap with “A.F. of L.” printed on it.
.    He had found a pair of his older brother’s baseball cleats in the cellar and had stuffed the shoe toes with newspaper so they fit.
.    He rode his bicycle to the field for his first game. The bike a low-riding 28-inch with high handlebars and banana-shaped seat with fake leopard-skin cover. A two-mile ride, the last stretch through The Blocks, a part of town inhabited by troublemakers, hoods, who wore black jackets with silver chains.
.    Eddie got into the game in the last inning—as a pinch runner.
.    Jimmy Larson had started at third base, Eddie’s position. Eddie knew he could hit better, field better, and throw better than Jimmy, but Jimmy was the coach’s son.
.    Eddie played two innings the next game. Got a hit in one at-bat. A single up the middle. He replayed the hit over and over in his mind before he went to sleep that night.
.    He put a baseball in the pocket of his glove and tightly wrapped the glove with twine and let it sit overnight—to form a pocket.
.    In the mornings Eddie read the Major League box scores and studied the most recent League standings. While watching television at night he squeezed his rubber ball to strengthen his fingers and wrists.
.    He hit his first home run in his second game. A high fly ball to center that landed in the arms of a weeping willow tree behind the center field fence. So excited, running the bases, he nearly failed to touch second.
.    He knew there was no way Coach Larson could keep him on the bench. Not when he was hitting .500!
.    One game day Eddie decided, on a whim, to ride his older brother’s hand-me-down 3-speed bicycle instead of his own. The bike was a heavy chrome monster nearly tall as Eddie. He had to step on a pedal to mount the seat.
.    In The Blocks that day, a tall thin rat-faced boy ran out of an alley screaming at Eddie. Screaming Eddie’s last name. The boy made a lunge for the handlebars. Eddie made a sharp turn from sidewalk to road. The rat-faced boy, whose greasy long hair was plastered to his skull like a shower cap, gave chase.
.    Eddie pumped the pedals with all his strength. The rat-faced boy gained ground, his sneakers slapping the highway with each step. Eddie shifted to 2nd, then to 3rd; he felt a new surge of speed. The boy reached for the back fender. Eddie pumped while standing nearly straight. The slap of sneakers ceased. The boy grew smaller in Eddie’s sight. Eddie coasted into sunlight at the end of The Blocks.
.    Who was the boy? Eddie wondered. How did the boy know his, Eddie’s, name? Would the boy be waiting in the alley on Eddie’s return home?
.    The hard-hit ground ball skipping toward him was a surprise. The ball ran under his glove and out into left field. Eddie heard mocking laughter from a dugout. He felt shame. He hung his head so the visor of the cap covered his face. He scratched the infield dirt with the toe of his cleat.
.    In his three at-bats, he struck-out, popped-up and hit into a double play. After the game he rode home the long way around town—an extra 15 minutes to reach his house. Mean dogs were along the way but by keeping to the middle of the broad streets whenever able he avoided the dogs.
.    Over the next few months of games Eddie hit .350 and added another three home runs. He was selected to play on the League’s All-Star team. He was given a special All-Star cap, red with white star. In the picture of the team, published in the newspaper, he knelt in the front row, third from left.
.    During those few months he had always taken the long way to and from the field. On the day of the All-Star game he was running late and had to go through The Blocks to be at the game on time.
.    The rat-faced boy was waiting in the alley. He gave chase as Eddie sped along on his 28-inch bike. Eddie zigzagged along the cracked and rutted sidewalk, barely staying out of the boy’s grasp.
.    Three dirty-faced urchins squatted around a dead cat in the middle of the sidewalk, poking it with sticks. As Eddie turned to avoid them his handlebar hit the parking meter and he went down face first in the thin strip of median scrub-grass. The rat-faced boy was on him like a cat on a mouse. Eddie stood; the boy rained punches on Eddie. Eddie dodged and moved but kept getting hit. He did not know how to fist fight, he realized. He dove for the boy’s legs, pulling him to the ground in a tackle.
.    The urchins hopped up and down urging Eddie and the boy to kill each other.
.    The boy was quick and fast. Wiry but strong. Not as strong as Eddie though, who put the boy into a headlock and squeezed. The boy gasped for breath; he began to choke. “You give?” Eddie asked. The boy nodded assent. Eddie let him go and stood. The boy stood too, holding his throat. He punched Eddie in the face.
.    Eddie charged, enraged, fists flying.
.    The urchins shouted delightedly, sensing a new urgency to the fight.
.    Eddie ran into a barrage of punches. He fought his way through, took hold and held the boy in a standing headlock. The boy weaseled his way out of the hold. Eddie held the boy by the neck of his t-shirt and flung him, like a sack, into the tenement wall. The boy’s head made a loud thump on the bricks. He fell to the sidewalk and curled into the fetal position while cradling his head.
.    The urchins stared at Eddie admiringly. He jumped onto his bike and sped off, reminding himself that he was an All-Star, and vowing to stay one, forever and ever.

 

The Spitter

By Richard Jordan

Coach took a long look down the bench at Gus,
who pointed at McHugh, who pointed at
me. I wasn’t smart enough to point.
Thus, out I went to mop up, or rather serve
meatballs on a platter. At least
fireflies were already flashing, so
the game would soon be called. I figured
I could stall, fidget with my cap, raise a cloud
by slamming down the rosin bag. But Ump,
who was my uncle and held a grudge against
my father still for something like a cheerleader
back in high school, had a nasty glare—
think Charles Bronson after someone offed
his wife in one of those movies you could watch
through snow and crackles on UHF
stations if you jiggered the antenna.
And why did people always mess with Bronson?
He looked like he could snap in a flash and would
riddle you with holes, enjoy it, too.
That was my uncle, and I had to pitch.
Bases full. Barsomian, the only
kid among us who had cleats, was digging
in. But see, I had a secret weapon.
At home, I’d been practicing my Gaylord
Perry, the way he wiped his forehead back
and forth, back and forth with his thumb,
pinched the bill of his hat, patted his graying hair,
grabbing dabs of Brylcreem or some goopy
substance, loading up the ball but never
getting caught. Cy Young Award winner
Gaylord Perry. So, I went through all
of those contortions, at the end swiping
my fingers in a little gob of Dippity Do
behind my ear. Yes, I had prepared for such
a moment. Then I kicked sky high,
delivered the pitch, which dove sharply
as it crossed the plate and made Barsomian
swing and miss so hard he corkscrewed
down to one knee just like Reggie
Jackson. And even if he launched the next
one deep into the night and cleared
the Neponset River—even if he did that—
I had thrown a spitter and it worked.

Richard Jordan is a lifelong Red Sox fan. The first game he attended was the April 14, 1970, home opener against the Yankees. Reggie Smith slammed a double, a triple and a home run, and gunned down a baserunner from the outfield. The Sox won 8-3 and it was clear to 5-year-old Richard that the Sox would win the World Series that year…ahem. Richard’s poems have been published in Rattle, Terrain, Connecticut River Review, Tar River Poetry and Valparaiso Poetry Review. His collection, The Squannacook at Dawn, was selected as the first-place winner of the 2023 Poetry Box Chapbook Contest.

 

Batters Up

by Michael Gallowglas

Someday, years from now, I’ll be sitting
at the Brooklyn Center for Fiction,
working on some story or other,
and a sound will grow in the background—
soft at first, then it will rise and rise
until it will hit just the right frequency
as the fillings in my teeth. The fillings will buzz
into my mind, creating a whole new kind
of sound that will nearly drown the screams,
screams that will draw everyone outside.
Screams that will draw everyone down
to the East River. Dread Cthulhu himself
will rise from the waters intent
on destroying New York City as his conquest.
His first target will be Lady Liberty.
He’ll break our spirits by breaking that monument.
A bright flash will appear in the sky,
only, it won’t go away, that flash, bright
as the sun, and Gregorian, rag-time hymns
will drown the alien frequency buzzing
through our fillings and into our minds.
A spiritual subway car will fly out
of that perpetual flash, carrying
Jackie Robinson and Babe Ruth from Heaven.
Those two legendary swingers will leap
out of that spiritual subway car and swing away
with their holy baseball bats of righteousness.
Cthulhu won’t stand a chance. Those sluggers
will slug dread Cthulhu back to the depths
chunk by battered chunk, and I’ll head back
to the Brooklyn Center for Fiction
and finish working on some story or other.

From his collection Cameos, which will be released May 28.

 

My Own Special Frankenstein’s Monster

by Bill Cushing

Before I moved to California to marry in 1996, my wife never paid much attention to baseball, which makes sense. She arrived to the states in 1987 from Peru, so soccer was her focal point in sports, not baseball.

It’s also odd that I introduced her to the game that year — being still upset over the ’94 strike. However, I succumbed that summer as Cal Ripken chased Lou Gehrig’s consecutive game record. I lived in Baltimore during Cal’s rookie year, and even though I leaned to the Yankees as a New Yorker, I admired him as both player and person.

So, I suspended my personal boycott against the pros and watched those games.

Occasionally, Ghisela would stop and watch, asking about the game. While explaining the action on the diamond, I told her the best way to watch baseball was in person, promising to take her to a Dodgers game sometime.

That Fall we got tickets to a home game at Chavez Ravine. In the opening inning, Mike Piazza came up to bat and hit a grand slam, which was not that unusual in those years, but for my wife, was a grand treat.

“You know,” I turned to her, shouting above the crowd while Piazza ran the bases, “I’ve been going to games all my life and have never seen one of these in person. You go to your first and whaddya get?”

Perhaps it was the manic environment, although statistics, the mainstay of baseball, may have appealed to her clinical mindset. Of course, there is the fun in the game’s connection to superstitious beliefs and behavior.

Whatever the cause, she was hooked — on baseball in general and the Dodgers in particular, a love that blossomed into passion — with all the necessary accessories that condition entails: hats, water bottles, shirts, license plate frames. She even forbade me from wearing my old Yankee hats around her.

Now we are season ticket holders for the Dodgers; my wife is a baseball fiend, and I created the monster.

This story first appeared in the collection, Time Well Spent, published by Southern Arizona Press.

RETURN OF THE MACK

In the first three installments of this satirical short tall tale (links here—Part I, Part II, Part III), the re-animated Philadelphia A’s owner-manager Connie Mack (b.1862- ???) has hitchhiked to Oakland and hired a lawyer to lay claim to his former team. Baseball Commissar Roi Mangled and neglectful A’s owner Joe Fissure were getting mercy-ruled in the PR battle, and it seems that with a flood of GoFundMe dough, Oakland fan groups just might have a toehold on the revolving door vortex that’s been sucking their squads to the desert. Rocky Balboa ain’t got nothing on Connie Mack—he’s the ultimate underdog from six feet under.  (illustration: Gary Lucy –  IG: @instagarylucy)

 FINALE – Part IV:

“What Color Is Your Parachute (Pants)?”

When the “Nightline” camera crew is snickering at your ass, you know that any semblance of dignity has left your building. MLB Commissar Roi Mangled had just been humiliated by an undead icon who pointed out that he shouldn’t be afraid of zombie ownership, since he himself had brought “ghost runners” to the game.

Mangled tried to climb off the canvas and score points by reminding folks that Mr. Mack’s nose had fallen off recently. How could he possibly keep it together as owner, if he couldn’t keep it together, period?

But body-shaming a zombie will get you nowhere, fast. Howard Gumption, the mercurial Oakland lawyer, cut in and said that his client had recently undergone a procedure by celebrity plastic surgeon Brad Chiselder to take care of “that little schnoz issue,” and flippantly added that there were many current owners who might want to upgrade various drooping appendages of their own as well.

Message boards had his back. Fans pointed out that with such a stinky on-field product, maybe Mr. Mack was just being sensorially sensible.

It got to the point where the Oakland players, already surprisingly vocal about their dismay with management’s plans, rose up and took their civil disobedience next level. It was impossible to tell if longtime infielder Stoney Camp planned to rip his pants when he slid into second on a double, but the fact that it revealed green underwear with “Sell” lovingly embroidered on the backside sealed the deal. Plus, it earned him a standing ovation from the Green Moon Odom posse out in left.

But the real capper was in Sunday’s home finale. When closer Tremayne Vork was warming up in the 9th, his usual thunderous rock-and-roll prelude suddenly switched to Johnny Paycheck’s “Take This Job and Shove It.” With that, Vork strode off the mound, unfolding a piece of paper from his back pocket that simply said, “Bye Bye Billionaire!” He moseyed past the protective netting down the right field line, climbed into the stands, and exited the stadium, high-fiving delirious fans on his way out. The “Norma Rae”-meets-Lou Gehrig moment was the sport’s first in-game retirement. Vork later confirmed his decision on a podcast but reiterated that he would happily come back if Mr. Mack was in charge.

Public opinion polls were overwhelmingly in favor of Mr. Mack being able to purchase his team back. The “contract” he’d produced, an agreement scrawled on a cocktail napkin from a Waldorf-Astoria owners’ meeting in the 1950s, seemed to be growing sturdier by the day.

While the grand jury was being seated, cascades of currency flowed into the GoFundMe, eventually landing at over $3 billion, more than double the franchise’s estimated value. Despite it all, owner Joe Fissure, the scion of an acid-washed jeans empire, told the Las Vegas Review-Journal that he had “zero interest in selling the A’s, as they are a treasured folder in my family’s portfolio.”

The very next day, Green Moon Odom had printed out “Treasured Folders” to pass out at the team’s last home series. Zelda Gumption interviewed fans outside the gates for her skyrocketing TikTok account, asking “What’s in your family’s portfolio?” The answers ranged from the vague to the vulgar, but the consensus was clear.

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