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All Right, a Few More Limericks to Pile on Barry

The Barry Bonds Limerick Trilogy: “Three Strikes and Yer Out!”

by Lou Carlozo

Canto One:
Farewell, Barry Bonds, Mr. Droider!
With a noggin as big as a goiter.

Can you take 30 years
Worth of jailbird jeers

In the prison yard parks where you’ll loiter?

Canto Two:
How many home runs could I pump
If I took 90 shots to my rump?

73 in a season?
It must stand to reason

Ask Barry–that Balco-ball chump.

Canto Three:
If Barry partook of the ‘droids,
It’s a cinch his career is destroyed.

Needles stuck in his ass,
Now he’s in a morass–

Strike three, ’cause the Feds are annoyed.

.

The Ho of Fame

by James Finn Garner

If Barry needed any incitement
To confess, now here’s his indictment.

Else, to prison he’ll go
To be someone’s ho,

Where anal rape’s the daily excitement.

.

Back in the News

By Doug White

Barry Bonds is back in the news
On CNN, Fox and even “The View”.

Though reporters have hedged
And say “it’s alleged”,

Everyone knows this time he’s through.

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The Green-Eyed Monster

by James Finn Garner

Pity the poor Red Sox.

Yesterday’s underdog,
Former Team of Destiny,
The A.L.’s demanding darling.

It’s hard to punch your underdog card
With the second biggest payroll around,
Plus Ortiz, Ramirez, Beckett, Papelbon,
And all the guys in biker beards.

No longer the sentimental favorite,
The team that is due.
They grow up so fast these days.
Now a financial juggernaut
That must win win win
To satisfy the local yankees
And thwart the distant ones,
Bleeding away their charm
Faster than Schillling.

The wise man said,
“Choose your enemies well, for you will come to resemble them.”
Who knew Sun Tzu
Was a Red Sox fan?

Posted 10/24/07 

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500 (Thome, Rodriguez and Thomas)

by James Finn Garner

500
Is such an exquisite digit–
The miles in a Daytona race,
Fortune‘s biggest firms anyplace,
And Fiat’s postwar car-midget.

500
The dingers hit by “Big Hurt” Frank,
Of the sweet stroke and bitter knees,
A-Rod, whipping boy for the Yankees,
And Thome, svelte as a Sherman tank.

500
Their several teams never captured it all.
The sluggers pushed on in good years and bad,
Taking what pleasure there was to be had
In campaigns of .500 ball.

500!
Carved into history like Cy Nostradamus.
As Father Time erodes, hobbles and tames,
That mark will always shine next to these names.
500 cheers for Thome, Rodriguez and Thomas!

Posted 10/16/07 

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The Blue Jay Way

by James Finn Garner

The Jays landed simply a smidge above .500.
Their season has strolled by, not thundered.
No highs of joining a pennant race,
No lows of wallowing in last place,
No untoward attention-getting,
No clubhouse brawls, no fretting
About performance enhancers,
No dog fights, gunplay, or nude dancers.

A campaign so nice and proper
Would never face charges of treason.
How very Canadian of the Jays
To enjoy such an adequate season!

Posted 10/11/07