Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
by James Finn Garner
Thirty runs hath the Rangers,
To whom before big games were strangers.
The Orioles ‘pen came out to play
And gave a goose to their ERA.
Saltalamacchia swung his stick
and helped his average 83 clicks.
“Too bad,” the moms of O’s might mewl,
“The bigs don’t have a slaughter rule.”
Posted 8/24/2007
By James Finn Garner
NEWS ITEM: Bobby Cox was ejected from Tuesday’s game by umpire Ted Barrett. This was Cox’ 132nd ejection, breaking the all-time record previously held by John McGraw.
Bobby Cox, did you feel rejection
When you broke McGraw’s mark for ejections?
Noble Brave, please don’t pout,
‘cuz getting thrown out
Endears you to our cheering section.
by James Finn Garner
To the Holy Land arid and brown
Comes a pastime of bases and balls,
Where a slugger might smack one downtown,
As the summertime slows to a crawl.
From Modi’in to Petach, they field nine
On a diamond so green near the sand,
While a host of young players will shine
With the shade of Hank Greenberg at hand.
Just one problem: whene’er a young moose
With sharp eye takes four balls, hanging tough,
He won’t take his base, claiming, “We Jews
“Have been walking since Moses! Enough!”
Posted 8/7/07
by James Finn Garner
When Kenny Williams told Maggs
To pack up his bags,
Hinting grit wasn’t one of his talents,
Kenny hadn’t the notion
That he’d set in motion
An era of Motown Magg-nificence.
Magglio got maligned
but later was signed
By Tiger whiz David Dombrowski.
Now he’s hitting like Gehrig,
While the White Sox are staring
over their shoulders, worried ’bout Kansas City.
Posted 7/25/07
This is the saga of Battlin’ Mike Barrett,
A tiger of a man with fists of ore.
He’d raise his dukes and take on all comers,
Regardless the color of jersey they wore.
His mighty hands landed many a blow.
He never backed down from a brawl.
But such hardened paws don’t do you much good
When your job’s to be fielding the ball.
Posted 6/14/07.