What to Feel About Rick Ankiel?

by James Finn Garner

Need a sad story? Check out Rick Ankiel,
Whose August exploits made Redbird fans feel
Like jumping for joy. Years past, after Rick’s

Stint as a St Louis hurler had passed,
He traded the mound for some outfield grass.
He leaped and he ran, and when swinging his stick,

He rang up the runs like a pinball machine.
Now there’s suspicion he’s not playing clean.
His once-mighty bat is now a limp wick.

While there’s no proof yet Rick took hGH,
The mess helped derail the Cards’ pennant stretch,
And this feel-good story now makes you feel sick.

Posted 9/25/07

Viva Bazardo!

by James Finn Garner

Let’s give up a cheer for Yorman Bazardo!
He got his first win, didn’t make it look hard-o!
Let the shouts ring out in the Tigers’ ballyard-o!
Bazardo! Bazardo! Bazardo! Bazardo!

Bazardo! Bazardo! Bazardo! Bazardo!
Just try staying glum while yelling “Bazardo!”
It’s more fun than sex in a trough full of lard-o!
Bazardo! Bazardo! God help me !! Bazardo !!

Posted 9/17/07 

The Race for Second Place

by James Finn Garner

The Central race is shaping up, but nobody had reckoned
The Brewers, Cubs and Redbirds in a three-way race for second.
The pitching ranks as adequate, if no one pulls up lame.
The hitting has shown promise and can sometimes win a game.

But the bullpens can’t be trusted, and defensive play is worse.
It’s hard to jump a bandwagon that looks just like a hearse.
Come on, guys, we know you dream of golf and going fishin’.
But the rules are clear–they state SOMEONE must win the division.

Posted 9/13/07 

Barry Bonds Limerick # 14

By James Finn Garner


Don’t act like it’s all a big mystery

How Barry is rewriting history.

A pact with the devil

Didn’t raise his skill level—

T’was “Better Living Through Chemistry.”

Posted 9/11/2007 

Texas Flood

by James Finn Garner

Thirty runs hath the Rangers,
To whom before big games were strangers.

The Orioles ‘pen came out to play
And gave a goose to their ERA.

Saltalamacchia swung his stick
and helped his average 83 clicks.

“Too bad,” the moms of O’s might mewl,
“The bigs don’t have a slaughter rule.”

Posted 8/24/2007