Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
By James Finn Garner
NEWS ITEM: Bobby Cox was ejected from Tuesday’s game by umpire Ted Barrett. This was Cox’ 132nd ejection, breaking the all-time record previously held by John McGraw.
Bobby Cox, did you feel rejection
When you broke McGraw’s mark for ejections?
Noble Brave, please don’t pout,
‘cuz getting thrown out
Endears you to our cheering section.
by James Finn Garner
To the Holy Land arid and brown
Comes a pastime of bases and balls,
Where a slugger might smack one downtown,
As the summertime slows to a crawl.
From Modi’in to Petach, they field nine
On a diamond so green near the sand,
While a host of young players will shine
With the shade of Hank Greenberg at hand.
Just one problem: whene’er a young moose
With sharp eye takes four balls, hanging tough,
He won’t take his base, claiming, “We Jews
“Have been walking since Moses! Enough!”
Posted 8/7/07
by James Finn Garner
When Kenny Williams told Maggs
To pack up his bags,
Hinting grit wasn’t one of his talents,
Kenny hadn’t the notion
That he’d set in motion
An era of Motown Magg-nificence.
Magglio got maligned
but later was signed
By Tiger whiz David Dombrowski.
Now he’s hitting like Gehrig,
While the White Sox are staring
over their shoulders, worried ’bout Kansas City.
Posted 7/25/07
This is the saga of Battlin’ Mike Barrett,
A tiger of a man with fists of ore.
He’d raise his dukes and take on all comers,
Regardless the color of jersey they wore.
His mighty hands landed many a blow.
He never backed down from a brawl.
But such hardened paws don’t do you much good
When your job’s to be fielding the ball.
Posted 6/14/07.
by James Finn Garner
I called it years ago.
What I called is
that you’re going to see
more
black faces, but there ain’t no English
going to be
coming out. …
[It’s about]
being able to tell
[Latin players]
what to do —
being able to
control
them.
You might get a guy to do it that way
for a while
because he wants to benefit,
but in the end, he is going to go back
to being
who he is.
And that’s
a person that
you’re going to talk to
with respect,
you’re going to talk to
like a man.
These are the things my race demands.
So, if you’re equally good as this Latin player,
guess who’s going to get sent home?
I know a lot of players
that are home now
can outplay
a lot of these guys.
From an interview in GQ Magazine, June 2007