Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Start with pitching from Aaron Nola
Rich and smoky as cappicola
Add a Castellanos tater
And two bombs from Schwarber later
And hot corner sauce from Alec Bohm
Stingy as a Hogwarts gnome
Serve in a park where the foundations shake —
All that equals famine for the Snakes.
The kids from Charm City
Didn’t play so pretty
In their short series with the Rangers
But these orange sprats–
Good defense, strong bats–
To the postseason will not be strangers.
They play the game right,
Alert but not tight,
And act like a team, not selfish.
They outpaced the Rays
And will not go away,
Not unlike a batch of bad shellfish.
With apologies to Percy Shelley
Reprinted from October 11, 2019.
I met a traveler in La-La Land,
Who said, “Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the Ravine . . . Near them, on the sand,
Half a ton of Gator-Ade cups lie,
And blue playoff towels now still,
And B-list actors hoping to flog their dreck
To Smoltz and the odious Buck,
And a mangled manager in a heap;
And on a whiteboard, these words appear:
‘My name is Kershawmandias, Ace of Aces;
Look on my season only, dammit, and despair!’
Nothing beside remains. Round the meltdown
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level field stretches far away.”
For the story behind this photo, visit Atlas Obscura.
I don’t know why I bought the lie
The White Sox would be decent.
I don’t know how hamstrings go pow!
Bats and skills chill, like recent.
I don’t know why Reinsdorf tries
To hire within to change Fate.
I don’t know where Andrew Vaughn stares
While whiffing at the plate.
I don’t know how Robert feels now
And what Keynan and Lance had to say,
But I know one thing: the White Sox would bring
A bigger playoff crowd than Tampa Bay.
With apologies to A.A. Milne
They’re changing the guard in th’ American League East,
The Orioles have risen to most from least.
New York and Boston spitting out dirt,
With the Bosox distinctly butt-hurt
Back East.
They’re changing the guard in th’ American League East,
The Orioles have risen to most from least.
The Devil Rays have earned their wild card
But the Blue Jays find hitting terrible hard!
Back East.
They’re changing the guard in th’ American League East,
The Orioles have risen to most from least.
It’s good to see baseball back in Charm City
But we’ll see if the playoffs are nearly as pretty
Back East.
