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Designated Hurter

by James Finn Garner

(Title by Jim Siergey)

Eloy’s a natural hitter,
Chitown’s best since Sammy

If Eloy’s swings were music,
He’d be a shoe-in for a Grammy

When he steps into the batters box
Sox fans’ palms get clammy

‘Cuz Eloy’s smart as a Labrador
And has stale breadsticks for hammies.

 

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Hats Off to Randy

by James Finn Garner

In the international arena
With the boldness of a javelina
Randy Arozarena
Donned boots from the zapateria
And una gorra fina

Earning points for style
And making us smile
Didn’t a win compile
(Cheers to the nippophiles)
Still made BP worthwhile.

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MLB All-St. Patrick’s Day Team

1B  Hank Greenberg
2B  Grant Green
SS  Pumpsie Green
3B  Andy Green

LF  Mike Greenwell
CF  Lenny Green
RF  Danny Green

C     Charlie Greene

LHP  Chris Green
RHP  Clarence Beers, Jameson Taillon, Suds Sutherland

MGR  Dallas Green

 

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Old-School Reps

by James Finn Garner

I don’t think the new analytics
Would’ve helped Norm Cash worth a lick
For Killebrew, Mantle,
F. Robby and Randle,
A beer and a cig did the trick.

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Foul Ball, Free Bird

by James Finn Garner

If I fouled one off of third, Bob,
Would you dodge the ball in time?
I’d hate to see you knocked out
And you know I’m not lyin’.

But if that liner gets you,
We could just stop this ol’ game
And start jammin’ in your carport
Maybe choose a catchy name

Gary’s warmin’ up on gittar —
Use Mr. Skinner for the name? —
Baseball’s cool, but this band’s better,
And this band you cannot change
Oh oh oh oh
And this band you cannot change
Oh oh oh oh
And this band you cannot change
(Until you leave) It cain’t change….

RIP Gary Rossington (1951-2023), original guitarist and last surviving member of Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Above: Ronnie Van Zant