by James Finn Garner
The Mighty Mets have been shut down
To the lamentations of Flushing Town
“Check Musgrove’s ears!”
They chanted through tears
While their sorrows in Genny they drowned.
And Raise Minimum Age of Pitchers to 30
by James Finn Garner
Nelson Arraez takes the batting crown
But at .316 it’s historically down
So let’s ban the shift
To give the numbers a lift
And a pitch clock so batters aren’t clowned.
The Days Grow Shorter
by James Finn Garner
So now we begin Season 2
Prepare for the Fox Sports retinue
With ignorant journos
And Taco Bell promos
We know summer’s pleasures are through.
Where You Gonna Go?
by James Finn Garner
“Where you gonna go?” — Reds President Phil Castellini on Opening Day, commenting on fans’ discontent with the Reds’ lack of success
Where else might Reds fans go?
Pocatello, Idaho
Acapulco, Mexico
Amarillo or The Alamo
A baseball town like San Diego
Fresno, Buffalo, Reno, Cabo
How ’bout Tokyo or Nagano?
Or swing north to jolly Oslo?
Many exciting destinations appealed
‘Cause they sure stayed away from Great American Field.
Albert the Great
By James Finn Garner
To the 700 home run goup
We can add Pujols with a whoop
After that crank
He joins Babe, Bonds and Hank
And our joy in the game we recoup.
