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Some Embarrassment, Some Riches

by James Finn Garner

The MVP? It must be Ohtani
Hitter and pitcher, limber and brawny
But I won’t hold a grudge
If the voters choose Judge
His supporting cast isn’t nearly as clowny.

 

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How the White Sox Can Win the Division

by James Finn Garner

Change the door signs at Comiskey
Slip a mickey in his whiskey
Sew shut the legs of all his pants
Name him ambassador to France
Secure his cleats in wet cement
Arrange a honey pot with Iris DeMent
Stow him away on a flight to the moon–
Do anything! And do it soon!

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Waiting for Comeuppance

by James Finn Garner

In the Midwest we’re not prone to bragging
We like socks with sandals and double-bagging
We like a 30-pack and jerky from Kasey’s
And are still suspicious of Macy’s.
We don’t get too big for our britches
Unless the subject is hot dishes.
We take our time reaching decisions
And are in no rush to win the division.

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Major Market Meltdown

by James Finn Garner

As journos daydream in their queries
On the chance of a Subway Series,
The Metros and Yanks
Wheeze, rattle and clank
And look set to commit hara-kiri.