Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
When the Cubs in ’16 won it all,
The faithful drove, biked and walked
To scratch tributes on the park’s brick wall
In multicolored sidewalk chalk.
Now that crown is just a dream
for this dead-man-walking team.
The chalk should trace, it would seem,
A body’s outline in this crime scene.
Dusty Baker notched his 2000th win
With a toothpick lodged into his grin
No World Series ring?
That don’t mean a thing
His record requires no spin.
Photo by David J. Phillips/Associated Press
After saying “goodbye” to Joe West
We need to espy a new pest.
As shown with aplomb
By good ol’ Schwarbomb
Angel Hernandez is now the least best.
Good for Kyle Schwarber standing up to Angel Hernandez for both teams
“All f***ing night! The whole night! On both sides, f***ing horses**t!” pic.twitter.com/6yS40lMaFM
— Tony Clements (@TonyCMKE) April 25, 2022
To the rest of the teams in the East
The Blue Jays now seem like a beast
If stars do not vax
They’ll find that they lack
Any way not to be the birds’ feast.
Red Sox COVID-19 vaccine issues could have a massive lasting impact
To distract from news of variations
And COVID viral mutations
And that “It’s everywhere!” sensation–
I’ll give baseball one more try.
To soothe the mind with pointless stats
Like zodiacal-themed at-bats
And if Lance Lynn’s allergic to cats–
I’ll give baseball one more try.
Ignoring the obscene cost of tickets
And the politics of Ricketts
And the siren call of following cricket–
I’ll give baseball one more try.
If I can score a bit of Zen
So to pick up the fight again
I’ll give the donut race a loud “Amen!”–
I’ll give baseball one more try.
