by James Finn Garner
Winter’s been raw as a campout in Banff.
Your new basement walls are moldy and damp.
Your drapes caught fire from a knocked-over lamp—
. Relax!
. Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.
Your check-writing hand’s developed a cramp,
Your bills are all due and you ain’t got a stamp,
Creditors cling to your neck like a clamp—
. Smile!
. Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.
Your yard is now split by a new freeway ramp.
Your son is engaged to a gold-digging tramp.
Your “guitar hero” neighbor’s just bought a new amp—
. Life is good!
. Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.
After a 60-game season, they crowned LA champs,
While you’ve started a book club with all your house plants,
And will never go out again if it involves pants,
. Life goes on,
. Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.
First posted 2/13/2008; updated 2/18/21
